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Post by The Bluzmn on Mar 10, 2008 12:26:20 GMT -6
That is blasphemy. Everyone knows pooping at work is the best. Not only do you get to poop, but YOU GET PAID TO POOP. And sometimes you can get some reading in as well.
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Post by suite1718 on Mar 10, 2008 13:26:02 GMT -6
One thing that will not be tolerated though is KOKpologists following Iowa football losses to shitty teams like ISMoo, NU, and Indiana. I'm gonna warn people, I get really, really pissed when KOK causes the offense to get 4 delay penalties and blows 5 timeouts a game because he doesn't have the play in, and then when it gets in, it's some shitty ass play that the D sniffs out. Ahhhh.....KOK....one of the original Oracles of Offense.
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Post by NotMyKid on Mar 10, 2008 13:46:54 GMT -6
I poo at home. I am not at home. I'm in the same boat I think I can count on one hand the number of times that I have gone in a public restroom. I just don't do it. Except in college there was a secret bathroom in the basement of the library that nobody ever used or went in. The water was always blue and there were never any signs of previous usage.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Mar 10, 2008 14:32:15 GMT -6
I will drop anchor in any harbor, granted the port is reasonably well maintained.
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Post by 101 on Mar 10, 2008 15:30:50 GMT -6
You guys that "hold it in". Amazing. As long as the place is reasonably clean, just dump your stuff and move on. Hell, that's what a bathroom is there for, right?
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Post by NOTTHOR on Mar 10, 2008 15:37:27 GMT -6
Amen, brother. I crashed with barber for a semester and he had a rule that I couldn't drop anoos over at his place so I had to penguin march over to the Law School every time I had to go. My carrel was in the basement and I'd swing by, grab a book and head into the least travelled shitter in Iowa City whenever I had to.
If you don't like putting your anoos on the seat, make a little cover out of TP or, in the alternative, pull a floater. It ain't rocket science people. I don't understand everyone's infatuation with not deucing on a non-home stool. Are you guys wide stanced foot tappers or what? The best thing about crapping away from home is that you never have to worry about overflowing the stool, which I battle at least once a month at home. These modern low flow toilets just don't agree with my meat filled, low fiber diet.
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Post by Gumbyhawk on Mar 10, 2008 15:50:12 GMT -6
I used to think like you, Ralph but...
after some sewer pipe problems at home, I had to drop off the Huxtables at Walmart on Saturday night. This is MTOWN'S Walmart no less!
Let's just say it wasn't the most fun I'd ever had on a Saturday night. At least I have yet to break out in a rash.
It was also interesting reading all of the stall door graffiti!! Pretty much summed up my interpretation of the types of people who frequent that store (or work there).
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Post by 101 on Mar 10, 2008 15:53:11 GMT -6
Well, like most, I might prefer to do my business at home, but I sure as heck wouldn't "hold it in" for hours on end because of my refusal to go in a public place.
Listen to your body.....it's telling you it wants that crap out of your system. How about a little cooperation guys.
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Post by NOTTHOR on Feb 11, 2013 16:40:34 GMT -6
Welp...it appears to be official. The HN OT Board has officially jumped the shark. Juan has deleted the Crapping Your Pants At Work Thread.....'tis a sad day for the greatest thread ever. Saddest day ever. 10x worse than Black Friday.
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Post by Incogayno. on Feb 11, 2013 17:37:42 GMT -6
I dont understand why. I posted muh own shit thread and it was never touched.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Apr 10, 2015 8:44:01 GMT -6
I almost shit my pants at work just now. I cut a fart, and, completely without warning, I hit SHARTCON 1. Now, you usually know when a shart is risky, and you can prepare your anus ahead of time. Well this time, it came out of fucking nowhere. I felt like a guy minding his own business in the mall when an Asian woman drives through the wall and runs him over. I was liek WTF just happened? So I waddle to the basement head, bince I wouldn't have to walk past anyone's office and get stopped. Thankfully, when I got there, my underpants were almost untouched. However, this turned out to be the rarest of dry sharts. No spotting, but the near-anus areas of my butt crack were pasted in. It was liek someone tried to seal by asshole shut with drywall compound. So while I didn't have to clean shitty boxers, I had to undertake the arduous task of excavating by asscrack. Needless to say, removing the last of the streaks was time consuming, and using terrible, sandpaper-esque work toilet paper, by the time I was done my ass was raw. Now I feel like I'm sitting on na fucking hedge hog all day.
Will update as the situation develops...
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Post by Aborted Cyclone Fetus on Apr 10, 2015 8:46:38 GMT -6
I almost shit my pants at work just now. I cut a fart, and, completely without warning, I hit SHARTCON 1. Now, you usually know when a shart is risky, and you can prepare your anus ahead of time. Well this time, it came out of fucking nowhere. I felt like a guy minding his own business in the mall when an Asian woman drives through the wall and runs him over. I was liek WTF just happened? So I waddle to the basement head, bince I wouldn't have to walk past anyone's office and get stopped. Thankfully, when I got there, my underpants were almost untouched. However, this turned out to be the rarest of dry sharts. No spotting, but the near-anus areas of my butt crack were pasted in. It was liek someone tried to seal by asshole shut with drywall compound. So while I didn't have to clean shitty boxers, I had to undertake the arduous task of excavating by asscrack. Needless to say, removing the last of the streaks was time consuming, and using terrible, sandpaper-esque work toilet paper, by the time I was done my ass was raw. Now I feel like I'm sitting on na fucking hedge hog all day. Will update as the situation develops... Praying for you
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Post by Solar Stud on Apr 10, 2015 9:26:51 GMT -6
You need less, much less. fiber in your diet Ghost.
But I know....hard to stay away from the D'port tap water.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 9:29:30 GMT -6
I almost shit my pants at work just now. I cut a fart, and, completely without warning, I hit SHARTCON 1. Now, you usually know when a shart is risky, and you can prepare your anus ahead of time. Well this time, it came out of fucking nowhere. I felt like a guy minding his own business in the mall when an Asian woman drives through the wall and runs him over. I was liek WTF just happened? So I waddle to the basement head, bince I wouldn't have to walk past anyone's office and get stopped. Thankfully, when I got there, my underpants were almost untouched. However, this turned out to be the rarest of dry sharts. No spotting, but the near-anus areas of my butt crack were pasted in. It was liek someone tried to seal by asshole shut with drywall compound. So while I didn't have to clean shitty boxers, I had to undertake the arduous task of excavating by asscrack. Needless to say, removing the last of the streaks was time consuming, and using terrible, sandpaper-esque work toilet paper, by the time I was done my ass was raw. Now I feel like I'm sitting on na fucking hedge hog all day. Will update as the situation develops... May the good Lord above extend his long, skinny fingers to mentor you through these trying times.
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Post by Aborted Cyclone Fetus on Apr 10, 2015 9:53:08 GMT -6
Whatever happened to Bluz? Does he even post on any boards anymore?
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Post by BrainFerentz4Prez on Apr 10, 2015 10:05:28 GMT -6
Bluz is the original chuck.
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Post by Presidential Immunity Cock on Apr 10, 2015 10:26:31 GMT -6
His colors run Brown, like billys toilet babies. And I've had to buy boxers at wal Mart a couple months ago while on a late night grocery trip when shitcom,hit red and I dropped a loose water shaft in my pants. Luckily that was a partial was doing the quick waddle to the stall and I was mid squat position, but not quite aiming right. Well before I could het into position, a big fucking sneeze hit me. Yep, you guessed it, liquidy green and Brown shit flew out of my as whole at quite a vicious velocity that it covered to wall 6 feet up, and then everything down and all surfaces of the toilet. This crisis would have been salvageable and avoided had I gone to a normal Wal-Mart as they have shitters at the front of the store but didn't see them. Figured it would be at the back of the store by customer service. They were all Wal-Mart's and layouts are standard everywhere. Or so I thought, I finally find that elusive employee where the pooper is and he points me back to the front of the store, in a tiny corner nobody would have known about that had bathrooms. Men's is out of order and only the women's was open. I wasn't able to make any other decisions at that point about pissing,off chicks needing to tinkle at 10pm. I took one look at the ddevastation and nearly gagged at all that shit like watery substance covering it all. Now I'm in cleanup mode and eventually use up the entire roll of tp to clean my legs, back, socks, and whatever else got covered. My boxers were a lost cause and I picked it up and dumped it in the trash and decided to freefall it out of there. Somehow my jeans survived the shit tsunami clean. So knowing it's Wal-Mart and I hate that company with a passion I told no one and just walked out as calmly as I could and hurried the last few items on the list so I could hopefully check out before it was found.
Well, I'm in the middle of checking out and I hear some,woman scream as if Billy mentored her taint too hard. All I heard was "shit... There is shit everywhere! Doorknob, mirror, towel dispenser, walls ceiling and floors and the shitter was covered. They started taking pictures and I couldn't wait for the trailer park grandma to finish this up so I could leave. By the time that happened, the store manager was there dry heaving at the thoughts that he May have to clean that up. I just quickly scooted out, loaded up the car and went home. And that's why I'm no longer allowed in a neighborhood Wal-Mart. Moral of the story. Know exactly where every shitter is in every store before you go. Or you get too far in. Now I have a routine. If I go to a home depot or,Lowe's I will have to shit. But I know where they are so that helps out. The New grocery store I go to now, they have 2, one in front and back.
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Post by Ginger on Apr 10, 2015 11:06:19 GMT -6
I really, really, really think you guys need to go to a doctor to figure out why you have these issues. Maybe too much pegging? For petes sake, barring anal injury, you should be able to have a tight pucker string well into your 60's or 70's? Maybe you have some bad bacteria lurking in you colons.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 12:06:54 GMT -6
Whatever happened to Bluz? Does he even post on any boards anymore? Didn't someone post recently Bluz had been accepted into a gang of tough motorcycle hombres and was proud of it? Or maybe that was in one of the hoary old threads recently dusted off by Crappo Man.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Apr 10, 2015 12:50:01 GMT -6
I really, really, really think you guys need to go to a doctor to figure out why you have these issues. Maybe too much pegging? For petes sake, barring anal injury, you should be able to have a tight pucker string well into your 60's or 70's? Maybe you have some bad bacteria lurking in you colons. You've never gambled and lost?
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on Apr 10, 2015 12:52:40 GMT -6
Hmm.. Never sharted. I must be closer to perfect than you all.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 15:28:31 GMT -6
Hmm.. Never sharted. I must be closer to perfect than you all. Ask yo momma about that. Oh, wait, she's right here. I'll ask her and get back to you...
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on Apr 10, 2015 17:05:59 GMT -6
Hmm.. Never sharted. I must be closer to perfect than you all. Ask yo momma about that. Oh, wait, she's right here. I'll ask her and get back to you... Ask her if I'm more perfect than you? No need.
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Post by saldali on Apr 10, 2015 23:23:58 GMT -6
His colors run Brown, like billys toilet babies. And I've had to buy boxers at wal Mart a couple months ago while on a late night grocery trip when shitcom,hit red and I dropped a loose water shaft in my pants. Luckily that was a partial was doing the quick waddle to the stall and I was mid squat position, but not quite aiming right. Well before I could het into position, a big fucking sneeze hit me. Yep, you guessed it, liquidy green and Brown shit flew out of my as whole at quite a vicious velocity that it covered to wall 6 feet up, and then everything down and all surfaces of the toilet. This crisis would have been salvageable and avoided had I gone to a normal Wal-Mart as they have shitters at the front of the store but didn't see them. Figured it would be at the back of the store by customer service. They were all Wal-Mart's and layouts are standard everywhere. Or so I thought, I finally find that elusive employee where the pooper is and he points me back to the front of the store, in a tiny corner nobody would have known about that had bathrooms. Men's is out of order and only the women's was open. I wasn't able to make any other decisions at that point about pissing,off chicks needing to tinkle at 10pm. I took one look at the ddevastation and nearly gagged at all that shit like watery substance covering it all. Now I'm in cleanup mode and eventually use up the entire roll of tp to clean my legs, back, socks, and whatever else got covered. My boxers were a lost cause and I picked it up and dumped it in the trash and decided to freefall it out of there. Somehow my jeans survived the shit tsunami clean. So knowing it's Wal-Mart and I hate that company with a passion I told no one and just walked out as calmly as I could and hurried the last few items on the list so I could hopefully check out before it was found. Well, I'm in the middle of checking out and I hear some,woman scream as if Billy mentored her taint too hard. All I heard was "shit... There is shit everywhere! Doorknob, mirror, towel dispenser, walls ceiling and floors and the shitter was covered. They started taking pictures and I couldn't wait for the trailer park grandma to finish this up so I could leave. By the time that happened, the store manager was there dry heaving at the thoughts that he May have to clean that up. I just quickly scooted out, loaded up the car and went home. And that's why I'm no longer allowed in a neighborhood Wal-Mart. Moral of the story. Know exactly where every shitter is in every store before you go. Or you get too far in. Now I have a routine. If I go to a home depot or,Lowe's I will have to shit. But I know where they are so that helps out. The New grocery store I go to now, they have 2, one in front and back. Holy Mother of Christ..... Truly magnificent tale. Ever consider writing sermons..... Tears running down my upper cheeks.....
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2015 15:24:32 GMT -6
I almost shit my pants at work just now. I cut a fart, and, completely without warning, I hit SHARTCON 1. Now, you usually know when a shart is risky, and you can prepare your anus ahead of time. Well this time, it came out of fucking nowhere. I felt like a guy minding his own business in the mall when an Asian woman drives through the wall and runs him over. I was liek WTF just happened? So I waddle to the basement head, bince I wouldn't have to walk past anyone's office and get stopped. Thankfully, when I got there, my underpants were almost untouched. However, this turned out to be the rarest of dry sharts. No spotting, but the near-anus areas of my butt crack were pasted in. It was liek someone tried to seal by asshole shut with drywall compound. So while I didn't have to clean shitty boxers, I had to undertake the arduous task of excavating by asscrack. Needless to say, removing the last of the streaks was time consuming, and using terrible, sandpaper-esque work toilet paper, by the time I was done my ass was raw. Now I feel like I'm sitting on na fucking hedge hog all day. Will update as the situation develops...
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