Post by NOTTHOR on Apr 14, 2015 16:03:23 GMT -6
Apr 14, 2015 15:24:32 GMT -6 @tweeterhawk said:
I almost shit my pants at work just now. I cut a fart, and, completely without warning, I hit SHARTCON 1. Now, you usually know when a shart is risky, and you can prepare your anus ahead of time. Well this time, it came out of fucking nowhere. I felt like a guy minding his own business in the mall when an Asian woman drives through the wall and runs him over. I was liek WTF just happened? So I waddle to the basement head, bince I wouldn't have to walk past anyone's office and get stopped. Thankfully, when I got there, my underpants were almost untouched. However, this turned out to be the rarest of dry sharts. No spotting, but the near-anus areas of my butt crack were pasted in. It was liek someone tried to seal by asshole shut with drywall compound. So while I didn't have to clean shitty boxers, I had to undertake the arduous task of excavating by asscrack. Needless to say, removing the last of the streaks was time consuming, and using terrible, sandpaper-esque work toilet paper, by the time I was done my ass was raw. Now I feel like I'm sitting on na fucking hedge hog all day.
Will update as the situation develops...
Showed that to the fellas from Japan and they thought it was hilarious. I also told them the story of my assplosion in Tokyo after I unknowingly drank an expired yogurt drink. Story was complete with simulated penguin march and sweat wipes from my brow. These dudes were crying they were laughing so hard. One guy said he had once seen a Japanese toilet sprayed in the manner in which I described and he had no idea how it could have happened, but now he gets it.