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Post by livingintheusa on Oct 15, 2014 18:59:02 GMT -6
Why is a prisoner about to be sentenced like a bride on her wedding night?
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Post by twinlaker on Oct 15, 2014 19:01:47 GMT -6
Why is a prisoner about to be sentenced like a bride on her wedding night? Maybe because they are both about to get 6-10?
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Post by livingintheusa on Oct 15, 2014 19:05:51 GMT -6
Why is a prisoner about to be sentenced like a bride on her wedding night? Maybe because they are both about to get 6-10? Because they both know it is going to be hard, but they don't know for how long.
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Post by Ginger on Oct 15, 2014 19:48:36 GMT -6
A dyslexic walks into a bra...
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Post by livingintheusa on Nov 29, 2014 19:41:52 GMT -6
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Post by Stan's Field on Nov 29, 2014 21:27:40 GMT -6
Medication
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 11:21:05 GMT -6
Been far too long since Tweeter blessed the board with one of his geezer jokes. He is here today to remedy that:
First Time Sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.
Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.
"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'
The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Apr 10, 2015 12:52:46 GMT -6
Been far too long since Tweeter blessed the board with one of his geezer jokes. He is here today to remedy that: First Time Sex
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..' The boy turns, and whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.' Right up until the end, I just assumed the pharmacist was Seff.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2015 7:10:21 GMT -6
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit.
"It was my first day with the hook."
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on May 7, 2015 8:03:40 GMT -6
Dumb.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2015 8:49:56 GMT -6
Better?
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 7:09:59 GMT -6
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ... ..."let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on May 11, 2015 7:21:58 GMT -6
Dumb.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 7:23:32 GMT -6
But you keep coming back. I think you secretly liek geezer humour.
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on May 11, 2015 7:29:44 GMT -6
But you keep coming back. I think you secretly liek geezer humour. I read hoping for something better. Or maybe I'm a glutton for punishment.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 7:36:59 GMT -6
But you keep coming back. I think you secretly liek geezer humour. I read hoping for something better. Or maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Into domination, are you?
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on May 11, 2015 7:45:51 GMT -6
I read hoping for something better. Or maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Into domination, are you? Jesus. If you and ghost need some bedroom tips just ask. Enough beating around my bush.
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Post by Ginger on May 11, 2015 10:39:50 GMT -6
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ... ..."let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box." I loved it. Except for the picture fail. Maybe my phone.
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on May 11, 2015 10:54:58 GMT -6
That's because you are old. Old people are lame.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 10:57:28 GMT -6
That's because you are old. Old people are lame. I was going to suggest you, too, one day will be old. But I thought about it and realized you'll never reach old age.
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on May 11, 2015 11:04:31 GMT -6
That's because you are old. Old people are lame. I was going to suggest you, too, one day will be old. But I thought about it and realized you'll never reach old age. You gonna get your guys to take care of me?!?!?!? BaIs this really that funny...hIs this really that funny...hahIs this really that funny...ha
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2015 11:08:38 GMT -6
I was going to suggest you, too, one day will be old. But I thought about it and realized you'll never reach old age. You gonna get your guys to take care of me?!?!?!? BaIs this really that funny...hIs this really that funny...hahIs this really that funny...ha No. You seem to be taking "care" of yourself well enough.
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on May 11, 2015 11:10:26 GMT -6
You gonna get your guys to take care of me?!?!?!? BaIs this really that funny...hIs this really that funny...hahIs this really that funny...ha No. You seem to be taking "care" of yourself well enough. What, is a side piece gonna go on a jealous rage? Nah, brah. Nah.
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Post by Ginger on Jun 25, 2015 6:24:43 GMT -6
One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.”
Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry-on bag and began penciling in the answers.
"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords. It crossed his mind that if the Pope got stuck, He’d ask me for assistance."
Almost as if providence struck, the Pope turned to the man and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'? The three Cardinals behind, in front of and beside him shrunk down in their seats, as far as possible, all looking for something on the floor.
The man was in morbid shock. He couldn’t breathe. He went within himself, thought deeper, longer for a plausible answer and after almost a minute, the dark clouds of evil parted in his mind and the sun shone in!
Turning to the Pope, the gentleman said, with reverence and politeness, "I believe, Your Greatness, that you're looking for the word, 'aunt'…"
"Of course," the Pope mused, not taking his gaze off the cross-word, "You wouldn't have an eraser, would you?…"
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Post by Presidential Immunity Cock on Jun 25, 2015 6:33:44 GMT -6
There was a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He's now a seasoned veteran.
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