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Post by socal on Nov 7, 2014 15:55:00 GMT -6
Time for a new thread topic... I brushed on this elsewhere, but I believe we can label at least 50 distinct types of Redneck.
I'll start-
#1- The Nugent: The Nugent is an extreme form of Redneck that has no definitive habitat except for the tendency to not live in a city. While the Nugent outwardly displays blood-lust in killing things ranging from varmints & flightless birds all the way to large mammals, the statements of the Nugent imply humans have been/are/could be targets of that un-natural hostility.
While known to wear both camouflage or US flag motif's, those in themselves do not describe the full breadth of attire (or lack thereof) for this Redneck species.
Arguments have been made that the blood-lust towards living things has caused an unsettling affection by the Nugent towards objects capable of freeing said blood from the living things in an efficient manner i.e. guns & knives & bows/arrows. However the counter argument is that the Nugent's affection lies more towards the blood-letting objects instead of the act of blood-letting itself.
Revered by many other Rednecks as a pillar of the Redneck community, imitation and emulation is quite common, but the copy-cats never seem fully capable of reaching the fevered levels of blood-lust found in the Nugent.
Sadly though, to those not in the ardor of the Nugent, he is not viewed as a lone-wolf bastion of libertarian blood-lust, but an increasingly pathetic being with HUUUGE compensation & testosterone imbalance issues.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Nov 7, 2014 16:02:51 GMT -6
My sister in law became what I consider a sexually transmitted redneck. Use to be pretty normal, until she settled into her family's pattern of marrying big fat guys with beards. Now she wears moar fucking camo than the cast of Predator.
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Post by Aborted Cyclone Fetus on Nov 7, 2014 16:05:21 GMT -6
#2 - The Suburban Cowboy: Born not on the fertile rural soil but instead on the freshly mowed lawns of modern suburbia. Has a two ton pickup 4x4 yet has nothing to tow, no terrain to overcome and little to haul other than the occasional brand new appliance/piece of furniture. Shops at western wear stores for boots and tight ass jeans yet is OK with perusing Younkers or Macy's for Ralph Lauren and Nautica. Listens to country music like it's going out of style and refers to his buddies as GOB's (good ol' boys). Thinks that a night out at Texas Roadhouse is a dream date. Always keep's the fridge stocked with Busch Light. Example: Chrissy Williams.
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Other
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Post by Other on Nov 7, 2014 16:09:39 GMT -6
#3- The gear head redneck. This form of the redneck does not typically participate in many of the other typical redneck activities but focuses almost completely on their menagerie of motored mayhem that there lives revolve around. These rednecks can often be found at race tracks, ORV courses, and of course the ubiquitous mudders. This redneck is not to be confused with the Nascar redneck. #4- The NASCAR redneck. One of the stupidest, laziest forms of redneck. This redneck is often found sitting at their kitchen table listening to nascar on the radio while smoking Winston cigarettes or urinating in their pants at college football events. Generally viewed as parasites on society these drunken idiots generally are often found traveling the country in motorhomes. <Admin Append: The NASCAR Redneck may or may not actually consume Anheuser Busch / InBev products, but is innately associated with "Budweiser". |
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Nov 7, 2014 16:57:08 GMT -6
#3- The gear head redneck. This form of the redneck does not typically participate in many of the other typical redneck activities but focuses almost completely on their menagerie of motored mayhem that there lives revolve around. These rednecks can often be found at race tracks, ORV courses, and of course the ubiquitous mudders. I once got caught in between two gear head rednecks. They fucking talked about tires for twenty minutes. |
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Post by BrainFerentz4Prez on Nov 7, 2014 17:47:18 GMT -6
Redneck #5 - The Communications Major Redneck
This redneck parlays a worthless degree into a well paying career in sales or marketing. His newfound wealth (his parents are not typically well off) forces him to shift from his inherrited political leanings of the broke dick prole to that of a middle class republican. This person frequently maintains a false front in a militantly liberal world-view both as a defense mechanism and as a way to cope with inner feelings of shame. Alcohol dependency is also very common. This person typically displays their semi-elite baller status by surrounding themselves with pointless and often unused ammenities like high end appliances, huge doors, and outdoor showers. They are also creatures of seclusion often building custom homes in temperate costal climates on clearcut stands of forrest.<Admin Edit: Rejected due to having no Redneck'ishness & trying to shoehorn the description of what likely is another poster (or perhaps self-describing?) into being a Redneck. |
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Other
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Post by Other on Nov 7, 2014 18:19:00 GMT -6
Redneck #5 - The Communications Major Redneck This redneck parlays a worthless degree into a well paying career in sales or marketing. His newfound wealth (his parents are not typically well off) forces him to shift from his inherrited political leanings of the broke dick prole to that of a middle class republican. This person frequently maintains a false front in a militantly liberal world-view both as a defense mechanism and as a way to cope with inner feelings of shame. Alcohol dependency is also very common. This person typically displays their semi-elite baller status by surrounding themselves with pointless and often unused ammenities like high end appliances, huge doors, and outdoor showers. They are also creatures of seclusion often building custom homes in temperate costal climates on clearcut stands of forrest. I like it but I don't see how this is redneck, you might be trying too hard. |
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Post by Stan's Field on Nov 9, 2014 9:29:31 GMT -6
#2 - The Suburban Cowboy: Born not on the fertile rural soil but instead on the freshly mowed lawns of modern suburbia. Has a two ton pickup 4x4 yet has nothing to tow, no terrain to overcome and little to haul other than the occasional brand new appliance/piece of furniture. Shops at western wear stores for boots and tight ass jeans yet is OK with perusing Younkers or Macy's for Ralph Lauren and Nautica. Listens to country music like it's going out of style and refers to his buddies as GOB's (good ol' boys). Thinks that a night out at Texas Roadhouse is a dream date. Always keep's the fridge stocked with Busch Light. Example: Chrissy Williams. Let it be known, yay brethren, look upon HFN's poast and let it enter into thine holy consideration for best redneck to hate upon. |
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Post by Other on Nov 9, 2014 22:08:15 GMT -6
Type #6: The DuffNeck. This slothful creature is known to be a parasite and can generally be found subsisting in janky old houses, low-end public golf courses, and stolen tree stands. The DuffNeck believes that slaughtering defenseless animals is "sport", and as such, "hunting" is the only occasion where this pathetic mongrel will expend any energy. Native habitats: WalMart; used Subarus; shitbag Wisconsin towns that time has passed by. No mention of fishing the Rez from a janky boat? That is one of the redneckiest pass-times ever. I'll wager he participated in annual Great March Catfish Round-up. You disappoint me sometimes. : ( |
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Nov 9, 2014 22:30:37 GMT -6
Type #6: The DuffNeck. This slothful creature is known to be a parasite and can generally be found subsisting in janky old houses, low-end public golf courses, and stolen tree stands. The DuffNeck believes that slaughtering defenseless animals is "sport", and as such, "hunting" is the only occasion where this pathetic mongrel will expend any energy. Native habitats: WalMart; used Subarus; shitbag Wisconsin towns that time has passed by. No mention of fishing the Rez from a janky boat? That is one of the redneckiest pass-times ever. I'll wager he participated in annual Great March Catfish Round-up. You disappoint me sometimes. : ( Not to mention his trips to Florida. |
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Post by Solar Stud on Nov 9, 2014 22:44:32 GMT -6
Type #7: Behold the TavernHawk redneck. Found roosting in places such as Sioux City, Fort Dodge, Mason City Marshalltown, and Ottumwa and any rural area. Cashes his weekly paycheck at the Walmart and carefully squirrels it away for his local-bar drunk fiesta. (Essentials such as food, insurance, utilities, past-due child support and back-taxes are optionally paid, if at all). Shows up 30 minutes before any Hawk FB game, hoarding the on-tap PBR, Hamms or Schlitz. Can’t quite remember who the players are, or who the coach is, has never been within 60 miles of Kinnick and cannot sing the basic Iowa fight song, but gawddammit, f*ck whatever team *his* Hawks are playing. Interrupts others with his fabricated glory daze stories. Never buys for others. Cocks his sooty 10 year old hat sideways and knocks out Marlboro after Marlboro. Hell ya during the good times. F*ck em during the bad. Stumbles out 3 hours later, belly full of tap beer and pizza rolls. Happy Happy Tavernhawk redneck.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Nov 10, 2014 8:43:52 GMT -6
This thing  |
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Other
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Post by Other on Nov 10, 2014 8:54:40 GMT -6
This thing I can't prove it but this looks Russian instead of Redneck. Its a small but important distinction. |
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Nov 10, 2014 11:41:22 GMT -6
This thing I can't prove it but this looks Russian instead of Redneck. Its a small but important distinction. Dude, there are plenty of places in Iowa where you get the "Hick Wigger" redneck, also known as Kid Rock Syndrome. Guys who dress like they're in a rap video from 2003, but shoot deer instead of gangbangers. This is a guy who's ideal night out is cranking up some L'il Wayne on his Zune and taking the four-wheeler out to a duck blind, where they smoke buddah in a Confederate flag pipe. Typical dress is a flat brimmed hat, over-sized shorts, un-tied sneakers, and Camo wallet with chain. Embracing both the urban and rural lifestyle, they are only exposed to outside culture through weekly trips to the Maquoketa Wal-Mart. |
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Post by livingintheusa on Nov 10, 2014 19:22:34 GMT -6
Type # 8 : The Bad Hair Redneck. The Bad Hair Redneck can come in many styles, long; short; bald; bald with tat; or my favorite the mullet.
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Post by Stan's Field on Nov 10, 2014 21:23:53 GMT -6
I can't prove it but this looks Russian instead of Redneck. Its a small but important distinction. Dude, there are plenty of places in Iowa where you get the "Hick Wigger" redneck, also known as Kid Rock Syndrome. Guys who dress like they're in a rap video from 2003, but shoot deer instead of gangbangers. This is a guy who's ideal night out is cranking up some L'il Wayne on his Zune and taking the four-wheeler out to a duck blind, where they smoke buddah in a Confederate flag pipe. Typical dress is a flat brimmed hat, over-sized shorts, un-tied sneakers, and Camo wallet with chain. Embracing both the urban and rural lifestyle, they are only exposed to outside culture through weekly trips to the Maquoketa Wal-Mart. I think if I ever snapped.........flat-billers would do well to run. #noquarter #battleaxe Although, any flat biller willing to voluntarily shove his fox racing shirt and west coast choppers hat up his own ass, AFTER lighting it on fire first, would be permitted to live. |
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Post by Stan's Field on Nov 10, 2014 21:41:49 GMT -6
Look at them....
Just try looking at them.
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Post by Ginger on Jul 1, 2019 12:22:45 GMT -6
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Post by NOTTHOR on Jul 1, 2019 12:31:40 GMT -6
In Japan, the bath is very important and they leave the water in it for days. The tub can heat it back up quickly. People take a 2 minute shower and then get in the tub. They keep the tub covered. We have been blessed with an insane amount of natural gas in the US and the abundance of gas has made us oblivious to how wasteful we are. But I guess it's okay if everyone virtue signals about how much they hate Orange Man. That said, she should at least have everyone take a 1-2 minute shower so they aren't wallowing in each other's filth. |
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Post by Ginger on Jul 1, 2019 13:33:13 GMT -6
In Japan, the bath is very important and they leave the water in it for days. The tub can heat it back up quickly. People take a 2 minute shower and then get in the tub. They keep the tub covered. We have been blessed with an insane amount of natural gas in the US and the abundance of gas has made us oblivious to how wasteful we are. But I guess it's okay if everyone virtue signals about how much they hate Orange Man. That said, she should at least have everyone take a 1-2 minute shower so they aren't wallowing in each other's filth. Two min shower is all most people need. If you want to share your bath water with a dozen other people you go right ahead. |
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Post by egadsto on Jul 2, 2019 9:29:01 GMT -6
In Japan, the bath is very important and they leave the water in it for days. The tub can heat it back up quickly. People take a 2 minute shower and then get in the tub. They keep the tub covered. We have been blessed with an insane amount of natural gas in the US and the abundance of gas has made us oblivious to how wasteful we are. But I guess it's okay if everyone virtue signals about how much they hate Orange Man. That said, she should at least have everyone take a 1-2 minute shower so they aren't wallowing in each other's filth.  |
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Post by egadsto on Jul 31, 2022 9:17:42 GMT -6
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