I wish VinChuck wuz wif me tonight
Jan 26, 2015 21:06:32 GMT -6
twinlaker, saldali, and 2 more like this
Post by BrainFerentz4Prez on Jan 26, 2015 21:06:32 GMT -6
I reffed a game between Oakridge Christian Academy and Some other Christian school from bum fuck WI. They play sanctioned varsity sports in the Wisconsin Christian School/Home School Association League or some shit. The game was in a "gym" that they rented. It was basically an old multi-puprose room in a community center that had two basketball hoops and some black lines on the floor. There were a couple of sections of bleachers which actually came onto the playing floor at a few points. For those unfamiliar wif Christian school sports teams they either go one of two ways. They are either havens for kids wif D1 potential who got kicked out of their public school for shanking someone in the lunch line or they are havens for a bunch of beady eyed white kids who are too fragile for the public school system or they got expelled for wearing a "god hates fags" t shirt their parents got them for Christmas.
For those that haven't gathered this was a game between two of the latter schools. They were bof pretty equal in the talent category. Roughly 50% of the kids on each side were somewhere on the autism spectrum, bof teams had a fat kid who's asthma required he have an inhaler withing 50 feet at all times, and both had one or two somewhat athletic guys who were wood probably be getting marginal bench minutes for most of the small and medium schools in the area. Of course bince nobody else on the floor had enough athletic ability to dribble the ball and control their bladder at the same time these guys thought they were MJ. They were taking the ball behind their backs on routine layups and dribbling between their legs for no apparent reason just to get ooh's and aah's from the crowd (which might have numbered 50) while they pretended they were real athletes playing a real game for a real school.
Everyone else there played along as well. It was like everyone was trying to pretend this was a real game in a real basketball setting. And the more they tried the harder they failed. They had parents come out on the floor during timeouts to lead cheers. They had some retard wif a speech impediment do the starting lineups (of course they used the theme music the Bull's use) and try to do play by play (th-th-th-there is a-a-a-a th-thhhh-thhhhree by L-L-L-L-LL-L-enny). And of course they were suuuuuper supportive and positive.
It started with the typical "great shot Gary" when Gary made one of the few baskets in the first half. As the game wore on and it became evident there wood be few things to cheer about they started cheering everything. "Way to not commit a foul Billy!". "Great job passing the ball out "Tommy!". "Way to not fall down Geoff!". By the fourth quarter they had been reduced to giving Lenny (who I'm pretty sure shit himself somewhere during the third quarter) a standing ovation for not pulling out his pecker and rubbing it all over the scoring table when he checked into the game. Final score Oakridge Christian Academy 19, Bumfuckville School of Dog's Chosen Children 14.
When the smoke had cleared and after the post game prayer they paid me my game fee of $30 (most JV games pay $50) and tried like hell to recruit me to do all their games next year. The principal himself apologized for the lousy pay but explained they school had very little money (he readily admitted in our conversation his yearly salary was $25,000 plus $750 monthly as a housing stipend) but promised me all the hot dogs I could eat after the game. I wish VinChuck cooda been there.
For those that haven't gathered this was a game between two of the latter schools. They were bof pretty equal in the talent category. Roughly 50% of the kids on each side were somewhere on the autism spectrum, bof teams had a fat kid who's asthma required he have an inhaler withing 50 feet at all times, and both had one or two somewhat athletic guys who were wood probably be getting marginal bench minutes for most of the small and medium schools in the area. Of course bince nobody else on the floor had enough athletic ability to dribble the ball and control their bladder at the same time these guys thought they were MJ. They were taking the ball behind their backs on routine layups and dribbling between their legs for no apparent reason just to get ooh's and aah's from the crowd (which might have numbered 50) while they pretended they were real athletes playing a real game for a real school.
Everyone else there played along as well. It was like everyone was trying to pretend this was a real game in a real basketball setting. And the more they tried the harder they failed. They had parents come out on the floor during timeouts to lead cheers. They had some retard wif a speech impediment do the starting lineups (of course they used the theme music the Bull's use) and try to do play by play (th-th-th-there is a-a-a-a th-thhhh-thhhhree by L-L-L-L-LL-L-enny). And of course they were suuuuuper supportive and positive.
It started with the typical "great shot Gary" when Gary made one of the few baskets in the first half. As the game wore on and it became evident there wood be few things to cheer about they started cheering everything. "Way to not commit a foul Billy!". "Great job passing the ball out "Tommy!". "Way to not fall down Geoff!". By the fourth quarter they had been reduced to giving Lenny (who I'm pretty sure shit himself somewhere during the third quarter) a standing ovation for not pulling out his pecker and rubbing it all over the scoring table when he checked into the game. Final score Oakridge Christian Academy 19, Bumfuckville School of Dog's Chosen Children 14.
When the smoke had cleared and after the post game prayer they paid me my game fee of $30 (most JV games pay $50) and tried like hell to recruit me to do all their games next year. The principal himself apologized for the lousy pay but explained they school had very little money (he readily admitted in our conversation his yearly salary was $25,000 plus $750 monthly as a housing stipend) but promised me all the hot dogs I could eat after the game. I wish VinChuck cooda been there.
