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Post by A boy named Sioux on Aug 25, 2015 14:46:27 GMT -6
Could you get enough sugar in your boy that he could puke on the back of the bride's dress?
I know the timing will be tricky. Maybe you could run some timed experiments between now and the wedding to try and figure out how long between ingestion of a known amount and subsequent projectile barfing.
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Post by Plez Azkins on Aug 25, 2015 16:27:16 GMT -6
Sounds like the older sister is the key. If she shows, rub elbows with her and shoot her a story about how you were the older sibling and your brother/sister got all of the attention. Lay it on thick with a story about how you had to go to therapy prior to meeting your wife. Then feed her a bunch of booze. You could get her to hit on you, thus pissing off her new girlfriend and ruining the wedding. It would be a double troll win.
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Post by Stan's Field on Aug 25, 2015 18:41:48 GMT -6
Well, my son who just turned two and is about as controllable as a 14 year olds dick in a strip joint has been asked to be the ring bearer despite our warnings that he is more likely to set the church on fire than he is to deliver the rings safely. Will he eat the ring? That would be awesome.
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Post by Stan's Field on Aug 25, 2015 18:43:44 GMT -6
Listen to Ellen, he played that stupid mafia game Shit with clown fans for years...uhh what I meant was he was "undercover" playing those fucking retarded clown games... Worked. Mayor Ellen!!!!! OMFG worked.
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on Aug 25, 2015 19:26:42 GMT -6
Mayor Ellen!!!!! OMFG worked. Working
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Post by Stan's Field on Aug 25, 2015 19:40:23 GMT -6
Iowa
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Post by FoxHuntChampion on Aug 25, 2015 21:27:30 GMT -6
Works
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Post by Presidential Immunity Cock on Aug 25, 2015 22:47:17 GMT -6
Well, my son who just turned two and is about as controllable as a 14 year olds dick in a strip joint has been asked to be the ring bearer despite our warnings that he is more likely to set the church on fire than he is to deliver the rings safely. Have him put the ring on his dick and when the priest asks for the ring, he unzips and tells the priest to get what he wants and needs.
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Post by livingintheusa on Aug 26, 2015 18:48:58 GMT -6
So I apologize in advance this is gonna be long, but I am pretty sure I have the opportunity for the troll of a lifetime and I don't wanna screw this up. There are a lot of elements at play here including the fact I don't wanna be fucking divorced when this find ends... Here goes. So I am invited to a wedding in my wife's side. It's my wife's cousin who we will call Brianna and some schmuck we will call Jacob. Brianna and Jacob are both worthless hipster design grads to be this spring, and have plans to open an "awesome" (their words) design business in Indy as soon as they can find someone to "give them" the start up capital. They actually put 25k cash kick starter thing on their custom designed website wedding registry, five for their honeymoon (a post grad backpack trip around Europe), 10k for a house down payment (it's only ten cause the grooms parents promised to match whatever down payment cash they could save up on their own, and don't think the irony is missed on that by the grooms parents) and 10k to get their awesome business off the ground. They also registered at some online wedding boutique but the cheapest thing they sell is $250 embroidered place settings. Anywho the bride is a real piece of work. She ain't never had to work for shit in her life. Her parents gave her everything, but the funny thing is they are dead broke. Her dad is like 15 years older than her mom. They met while he mentored errrrrrr coached her in a high school traveling swim team. He actually made pretty decent Jack for a while but eventually buying your kids $100 tee shirts catches up to you even when you make low six figures. Anywho they have filed for bankruptcy three fucking times. The last time was when he bought a 500k house in the Chicago burbs on a 3 year interest only note and planned to sell it for an easy 750k when the balloon was due. Well he got fIred for being a drunk and couldn't even make the interest only note, and that bubble thing burst. Needless to say he made out as well as partner did going long in AIG. Her mom is a total fruit loop now. She used to be fuckin smoking but now she's 50, used up, and has no other prospects. She spends most of her day complaining to my mother in law that they ain't got any money and trying to figure out how to get rich quick using the you tube. In addition the brides older sister, we will call her Mercedes, is a real piece of work. She lives in Chicago where she runs her own "Mixology" biz. I guess that's a full time thing? She's got all kinds of issues cause daddy didn't love anyone but the bottle and mommy always loved her little sister more, which by the way is actually true. Anywho she's been in therapy since high school and even has a couple of cries for help suicide attempts (ohhh help me I just took a Zanex and pounded three manhattens). She is totally pissed off at the bride for some damn reason that Im sure my wife has told me about but that I can't seem to recall. So Mercedes hasn't been to any of the bridal showers, has de friended the whole family on Facebook, and has steadfastly maintained she ain't going to the wedding. That is until last weekend when she told my wife that she was thinking of going because she thought the wedding might be a good time to introduce her girlfriend to the family while coming out as a rug muncher. This would be a good time to mention that the wedding will be held in the small town southern Indiana baptist church that the grooms uncle is the minister at. So what I need is an idea to ensure fire works. The thing is the troll has to be subtle enough so my wife and their family doesn't get pissed. Any thoughts?
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Post by livingintheusa on Aug 26, 2015 18:59:56 GMT -6
Sell your tickets to your investment advisor
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 17:44:33 GMT -6
Indeed, I must say that only dolls make decent Jack.....
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 17:48:44 GMT -6
Fly into town, and make sure you rent the most obnoxious luxury car that you can find and can fit your babbies in. With the gift, make sure it's a cat. A big, fat, dirty, stinky, feral cat. The Lesbians will be all over that pussy and the bride and groom will be pissed later one when they remember you rolled up in a bentley (or some shit like that) but only left them a cheap ass gift that wasn't on their registry. (I'd recommend a crockpot from Costco, preferably a white sox themed one since they are the team the dirty poors/Criminals love in Chicago) Le Wyfe may not recognize your troll play, especially if you can make her believe that every other rental is gone that would fit le family in it. If you don't need to bring the babbies, make sure it's a lambo/Ferrari or some supercar like that. If she really likes it and it gets her panties wet she may buy you one for yourself when you get back to Wisconsin. Just make sure you fly there. Or make sure you have to send in teh minivan for repairs and need a rental. Otherwise they'll see your minivan and understand that you are just a dirty poor, which is why you got them the white sox crockpot, because you are poor. and dirty. Also, piss in the punch bowl. And wear a rainbow tie. Also, offer the priest uncle a handy. Sweet Mother of Jesus..... Most thoughtful.....
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 17:52:14 GMT -6
Could you get enough sugar in your boy that he could puke on the back of the bride's dress? I know the timing will be tricky. Maybe you could run some timed experiments between now and the wedding to try and figure out how long between ingestion of a known amount and subsequent projectile barfing. Sweet
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 17:56:31 GMT -6
Bring a bottle of Everclear to the wedding reception, entice the principle players to drink it, step back and enjoy. Everclear and grape juice make quite nice whine.....
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 17:58:51 GMT -6
Agreed, this will 'splode on its own. A brag about coming into money somehow would probably kindle things, though. Maybe you had an equity grant you forgot about in a startup company and they just got bought and you suddenly came into $200k you had forgotten about and you are pissed about how high your taxes are on it. Chances are, seeing as how everyone in this fam is dramatically in everyone's bidness, they are fully aware that Duff is a minivan driving, unemployed basketball ref, and wouldn't believe he had secret money even if he had a diamond cock ring. I think the best possible troll here would be to give me the link to their kickstarter page, and to the Bride's mother's youtube page. There you have it..... Total destruction honestly earned
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 17:59:59 GMT -6
Like anyone would ever believe you had: money or could troll. I don't think anyone is looking for trolling advice from "Rosebulls" the clown fan. Clown fans, MotherFucking clown fans.....
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 18:04:38 GMT -6
Listen to Ellen, he played that stupid mafia game Shit with clown fans for years...uhh what I meant was he was "undercover" playing those fucking retarded clown games... MotherFucking clowns......
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Post by livingintheusa on Aug 27, 2015 18:11:03 GMT -6
"That is until last weekend when she told my wife that she was thinking of going because she thought the wedding might be a good time to introduce her girlfriend to the family while coming out as a rug muncher."
Again no rumours. Please provide pictures.
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 18:10:50 GMT -6
Bring a bottle of Everclear to the wedding reception, entice the principle players to drink it, step back and enjoy. Close, but you really only need to get the drunken dad Shit faced. Then tell him how ppl are questioning his lesbian daughter's honor by suggesting the dike's girlfriend is more manly than the bride to be's fairy husband. Obvious goal is to have the dad and minister uncle fight each other. I would pay hard earned money to watch it..... Remember the English version of Death at a Funeral.....
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Post by saldali on Aug 27, 2015 18:12:05 GMT -6
"That is until last weekend when she told my wife that she was thinking of going because she thought the wedding might be a good time to introduce her girlfriend to the family while coming out as a rug muncher." Again no rumours. Please provide pictures. We must have undeniable proof.....
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Aug 31, 2015 12:19:35 GMT -6
I know I said that a good troll would be to have your whiff breastfeed during the ceremony, but I guess that wouldn't work, because despite how uncomfortable it made me, I saw a woman do that this weekend. Bonus awkwardness, she was my pastor.
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Post by BrainFerentz4Prez on Aug 31, 2015 17:02:04 GMT -6
I know I said that a good troll would be to have your whiff breastfeed during the ceremony, but I guess that wouldn't work, because despite how uncomfortable it made me, I saw a woman do that this weekend. Bonus awkwardness, she was my pastor. How did u hide ur bonerz.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Sept 1, 2015 5:46:58 GMT -6
I know I said that a good troll would be to have your whiff breastfeed during the ceremony, but I guess that wouldn't work, because despite how uncomfortable it made me, I saw a woman do that this weekend. Bonus awkwardness, she was my pastor. How did u hide ur bonerz. I excused myself during the readings and jerked it into a cloth napkin in the reception room.
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Post by BrainFerentz4Prez on Sept 18, 2015 16:31:12 GMT -6
OMFG. Epic. Can't go into deals but the sisters GF looks like Vince Gill circa 1995 and is from England and talks with a cockney accent.
When she's screaming the only fing you can understand are swear words.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Sept 18, 2015 17:12:15 GMT -6
OMFG. Epic. Can't go into deals but the sisters GF looks like Vince Gill circa 1995 and is from England and talks with a cockney accent. When she's screaming the only fing you can understand are swear words. Why can't you go into details? Do she lurk here?
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