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Post by thunderhawk on Dec 20, 2016 13:07:29 GMT -6
Well it won't be Rogue One 2 that's for death star fucking sure
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Post by thunderhawk on Dec 20, 2016 13:08:19 GMT -6
^^^Looks like what Ghost does to unworthy posters^^^ Don't choke on your ambition.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 20, 2016 14:04:37 GMT -6
Well it won't be Rogue One 2 that's for death star fucking sure Rouge 2 can be about the many Bothan spies that died to give the Rebellion the plans to the 2nd Death Star.
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Post by thunderhawk on Dec 21, 2016 11:30:55 GMT -6
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 26, 2016 21:20:43 GMT -6
Saw it today. Good enough flick. Lame fan service almost killed it.
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Post by Solar Stud on Dec 26, 2016 22:50:27 GMT -6
Saw it today. Good enough flick. Lame fan service almost killed it. The Rave need more kiosks for those of us who purchase ahead.
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Post by Incogayno. on Dec 27, 2016 4:27:25 GMT -6
Saw it today. Good enough flick. Lame fan service almost killed it. Yeah. Could had been worse. Be interesting to see where they go with the Han Solo flick next year.
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Post by Aborted Cyclone Fetus on Dec 27, 2016 8:22:07 GMT -6
Saw it today. Good enough flick. Lame fan service almost killed it. Yeah. Could had been worse. Be interesting to see where they go with the Han Solo flick next year. Maybe he kills JarJar in his movie.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 27, 2016 9:09:46 GMT -6
Saw it today. Good enough flick. Lame fan service almost killed it. The Rave need more kiosks for those of us who purchase ahead. I agree. Got stuck behind this old dottering moran who didn't know how to werk it. People who came in after me flew through the one otter kiosk while gramps was fighting the damn keypad.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 27, 2016 9:12:14 GMT -6
Saw it today. Good enough flick. Lame fan service almost killed it. Yeah. Could had been worse. Be interesting to see where they go with the Han Solo flick next year. It was a double edged sword. If it wasn't Star Wars, it would have made no fucking sense. The characters are wooden because they spend so much time on world building (with familiar elements) that if you didn't know this was Star Wars, it would make no fucking sense. Full gripe coming soon. If you have not seen and don't want spoilers, plz avoid this thread from here on out.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 27, 2016 11:40:41 GMT -6
This movie was supposed to be a gritty war movie, that, unlike previous Star Wars movies, doesn't rely on super-human jedi to save the day, but rather ordinary people standing up to the oppressive power.
Then they have a blind guy shoot down a fucking TIE fighter.
That kind of summarizes the uneven tone this movie strikes which makes it only passable because it's in the Star Wars universe. Without Star Wars, this is just a slightly above average, but ultimately forgettable action movie. Paradoxically, it's foothold on classic Star Wars is at once the best thing about it, but also continually harmful to the immersion of the film.
To demonstrate this, let's look at the villain of the movie. Or better yet, try and figure out who the villain is, because the movie can't settle on one. We have three villains, one, the new guy, Director Krenick, who is played by some British guy, and I think is supposed to be the main bad guy, since he's key in what I assume is supposed to be the "emotional core" of the film, which is Jyn & her pappy, but that element is buried in an avalanche of nostalgia, the story doesn't work, and thus Krenick doesn't work well as a villain. He unceremoniously dies on a tower being useless.
The otter villain is Tarkin, who is extremely distractingly not played by an actor that looks like the long dead Peter Cushing, but by a CGI character who brings the uncanny valley to the Death Star. Honestly, the effects are pretty good, and if I didn't know they resurrected a dead actor, it might have worked. However, as it stands, it's fucking distracting, and it's nostalgia getting in the way of the plot and characters, as well as breaking immersion. Tarkin is supposed to be Krenick's boss, I think, but also his rival, I think. I am not sure what the relationship is. In New Hope, Tarkin bosses Vader around, but in this movie, Krenick goes to Vader to go over Tarkin's head. I dunno.
The final villain is Vader, who is played by a tall guy wearing a Halloween costume and an 85 year old James Earl Jones. I don't really know how old JEJ is, but he fucking sounds like it. I don't know how they can make the corpse of Cushing look like he did in 1977, but they couldn't make JEJ sound like he did in 1977. The result is, again, distracting from the movie for the sake of nostalgia. Vader lives in a castle surrounded by lava, which I assume is to remind him that he once got eaten by lava. However, we're introduced to him naked in a healing tank, so I would assume that would remind him that he was eaten by lava better than the castle, but what do I know. I have no idea what Vader's responsibility is supposed to be. He tells Krenick not to fuck up, which is what Tarkin has been telling him the whole time. He shows up on the end to go on a fan-service rampage where he's an unstoppable killing machine. This killing spree ends literally minutes before Episode 4 kicks off, so it's odd that he went from killing 20 armed rebels in a hallway single-handedly to slap-fighting an elderly Obi-Wan to a draw the next day, but whatever.
So we have three main Villains. One of them has clear motivations; Krenick wants to command the Death Star and get the credit for building it. The other two are there for fan service, and either confuse the story, or get in the way of it. None of the protagonists encounter, or possibly even know Tarkin and Vader exist, and thus have no reason to challenge and overcome them outside of Rebels=Good Empire=Bad.
Now let's build on that last thought. We are told that the empire is bad, and then they show it to us. They kill a bunch of random ass people pretty indiscriminately, including Jyn's mother, which is one scene that actually works (despite the fact I am confused why she hates the Empire for taking her father, and never again mentions she's gunned down by Krenick in front of her). The Rebels, by comparison, are good right? Well, who the fuck knows? The Rebels are a fucking mess in this movie. Forrest Whitacre's character, who's name I don't remember, is a good guy who fights the Empire and the rebels. They say it's because he's "too extreme", but in an earlier scene, we see Latin heart-throb rebel captain hero shoots an informant dead for no reason. Latin heart-throb also spends a lot of time talking about all of the terrible things he's done on behalf of the rebellion, which are never elaborated on, so I can only assume that FW's character is left out of the rebels because's he's black. Oh, and when they go to steal the Death Star plans, the Rebels bitch and complain and decide to surrender, I think, rather than risk it, and our heroes steal a ship (Rouge One) and steal the plans themselves. Once the rebels learn of this, they, WITHOUT EXPLANATION, change their minds and send their entire fleet into a life or death battle. I have no idea what motivates them to do this, besides the fact that the audience is supposed to know that Rebels=Good guys.
Next, let's look at out heroes. It's a ragtag group of people coming together to overcome an evil that threatens them all. The most generic action movie plot over, but look at the walkers fighting x-wings!
Jyn- I guess the main hero of the movie. She's motivated by her father being taken by the Empire to build the Death Star against his will. She escapes as a kid, and becomes a criminal. I guess she became a terrorist in FW's radical cell, but I missed that in my watch through. She's rescued by the rebels and told that she can go free if she can introduce them to FW. She agrees, but then deus-ex-machina had a message from her father just arrive to FW at that moment, and he told her to tell the Rebels how to blow up the Death Star. She then becomes a leading figure in the Rebellion, despite being a prisoner earlier that day. She kicks off the 3rd act by leading a ragtag group again, and dies in an explosion.
Latin heart-throb- Can't remember the character's name. In a terrible choice of assembling a ragtag group of heroes, he is exactly liek Jyn in that he's a rougish badass who plays by his own rules. He and Jyn hate each other, but then I think want to fuck by the end but have no chemistry as a couple so the filmmakers didn't explore it. His big character arc has him refusing to shoot Jyn's father after he was ordered to do so, although he is killed by the rebels anyways liek 2 minutes later. He is shot and left for dead, but comes back and saves Jyn at the end. They are then killed in an explosion.
Funny Robot- Fun and likable robot that has the personality Latin Heart-throb should have had to make the movie work better. Comic-relief in a gritty war movie, and sure to sell plenty of toys. Gets shot in the face a bunch of times and dies.
Chinese guys- I initially thought they were there to convince Chinese people to pay to see this, but of all of the heroes, they work the best. One guy is big and serious while the other is little and goofy. One of the guys is blind and a Jedi, even though they don't call him a jedi, he's a jedi. I have no idea why they didn't just call the guy who can dodge bullets, mysteriously not get hit with bullets while preying, and shoot down a fucking TIE fighter with his staff (which until that point, wasn't even a gun, he was just beating guys with it). The little guy dies in an explosion, then the big guy goes crazy after the little guy dies and goes on a rampage, ending with his death in a different explosion.
Rafi from The League- I think his name was Bode, but he doesn't look like Swayze, he looks like Rafi. This guy is a part of the worst scene in the movie, where FW inexplicably has a slug monster that reads minds, and makes it head Rafi's mind. Why, and to what end are not revealed. It serves no purpose, is stupid, gross, and takes you out of immersion. Fuck that part. He knows Jyn's father, and for some reason being friends with Jyn's father is enough to motivate him to defect from the Empire, get tortured, join the Rebellion, steal a ship for the Rebellion, and do a bunch of shit. He has zero backstory, characterization, and his purpose outside of needing to explain how they get into the empire's planet is lost on me. He dies in an explosion.
Galen- Jyn's father, who is recruited by the Empire to build the Death Star. He knows the Empire doesn't need him, but he decides to go along to make the Empire thing that they do need him? Anyways, he makes the exhaust port that kills the Death Star, and wants to get that info to the Rebels. For some reason, the actual message is addressed to his daughter, although the deliverer of the message, Rafi, insists he needs to give it to FW. He eventually gets caught sending the message to the rebels, and is bombed by the rebels for his troubles. He dies shortly after an explosion, with enough time to give some expository dialog to his daughter who was conveniently nearby.
So those are our heroes. Some work, some don't, but it's an ensemble, and they all die in explosions, so you don't connect with them very much anyways. The 2nd act of the film, where the characters are at their lowest and watch to build towards something is very weak, bince you don't care about them that much. FW's character gets killed by the Death Star, which apparently has a don't explode the planet mode, because while everyone is escaping the blast, he says he doesn't want to run, and then gets killed while everyone escapes. That's confusing because at the end, after they steal the plans, the Death Star fires at Jyn and Latin Heart-throb, and instead of trying to escape like they did the day before, they just sit there and die. It's like they know they can't be ret-connned into the subsequent movies, so they just take it.
A few moar gripes, then I talk about the stuff that werks:
FUCK YOU FOR THE R2D2 and C3PO cameos. Fuck you assholes. What an awful, awful fucking decision. Bullshit fan-service takes you right out of the movie right when it's getting good. TRIPLE FUCK YOU FOR THE 19 YEAR OLF CARRIE FISHER CAMEO! Remember how the final shot of Force Awakens was that awesome reveal of Luke. This is the opposite of that. And FUCK YOU for randomly adding new types of Rebel fighters and TIE fighters. This movie literally takes place hours before Episode 4, and they introduce a bunch of ships you don't see the next fucking day. Hope the toys sell well.
Coming up next on TL;DR theatre- what I liked
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Post by Presidential Immunity Cock on Dec 27, 2016 12:21:56 GMT -6
Spoilers you fucking cunt! Imma smash your dainty hands and make you work for Trump and rewrite hb2 to include wording that calls Charlotte Dems fucking tards for thinking the GOP would stand up to their word.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 27, 2016 12:28:47 GMT -6
Spoilers you fucking cunt! Imma smash your dainty hands and make you work for Dipshit and rewrite hb2 to include wording that calls Charlotte Dems fucking tards for thinking the GOP would stand up to their word. You fucking idiot... Also, I guessed correctly, James Earl Jones is 85.
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Post by Presidential Immunity Cock on Dec 27, 2016 12:38:39 GMT -6
Spoilers you fucking cunt! Imma smash your dainty hands and make you work for Dipshit and rewrite hb2 to include wording that calls Charlotte Dems fucking tards for thinking the GOP would stand up to their word. You fucking idiot... Also, I guessed correctly, James Earl Jones is 85. Know what your mom and James Earl Jones have in common? The both have big black cocks.
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Post by thunderhawk on Dec 27, 2016 12:45:46 GMT -6
This movie was supposed to be a gritty war movie, that, unlike previous Star Wars movies, doesn't rely on super-human jedi to save the day, but rather ordinary people standing up to the oppressive power. Then they have a blind guy shoot down a fucking TIE fighter. That kind of summarizes the uneven tone this movie strikes which makes it only passable because it's in the Star Wars universe. Without Star Wars, this is just a slightly above average, but ultimately forgettable action movie. Paradoxically, it's foothold on classic Star Wars is at once the best thing about it, but also continually harmful to the immersion of the film. To demonstrate this, let's look at the villain of the movie. Or better yet, try and figure out who the villain is, because the movie can't settle on one. We have three villains, one, the new guy, Director Krenick, who is played by some British guy, and I think is supposed to be the main bad guy, since he's key in what I assume is supposed to be the "emotional core" of the film, which is Jyn & her pappy, but that element is buried in an avalanche of nostalgia, the story doesn't work, and thus Krenick doesn't work well as a villain. He unceremoniously dies on a tower being useless. The otter villain is Tarkin, who is extremely distractingly not played by an actor that looks like the long dead Peter Cushing, but by a CGI character who brings the uncanny valley to the Death Star. Honestly, the effects are pretty good, and if I didn't know they resurrected a dead actor, it might have worked. However, as it stands, it's fucking distracting, and it's nostalgia getting in the way of the plot and characters, as well as breaking immersion. Tarkin is supposed to be Krenick's boss, I think, but also his rival, I think. I am not sure what the relationship is. In New Hope, Tarkin bosses Vader around, but in this movie, Krenick goes to Vader to go over Tarkin's head. I dunno. The final villain is Vader, who is played by a tall guy wearing a Halloween costume and an 85 year old James Earl Jones. I don't really know how old JEJ is, but he fucking sounds like it. I don't know how they can make the corpse of Cushing look like he did in 1977, but they couldn't make JEJ sound like he did in 1977. The result is, again, distracting from the movie for the sake of nostalgia. Vader lives in a castle surrounded by lava, which I assume is to remind him that he once got eaten by lava. However, we're introduced to him naked in a healing tank, so I would assume that would remind him that he was eaten by lava better than the castle, but what do I know. I have no idea what Vader's responsibility is supposed to be. He tells Krenick not to fuck up, which is what Tarkin has been telling him the whole time. He shows up on the end to go on a fan-service rampage where he's an unstoppable killing machine. This killing spree ends literally minutes before Episode 4 kicks off, so it's odd that he went from killing 20 armed rebels in a hallway single-handedly to slap-fighting an elderly Obi-Wan to a draw the next day, but whatever. So we have three main Villains. One of them has clear motivations; Krenick wants to command the Death Star and get the credit for building it. The other two are there for fan service, and either confuse the story, or get in the way of it. None of the protagonists encounter, or possibly even know Tarkin and Vader exist, and thus have no reason to challenge and overcome them outside of Rebels=Good Empire=Bad. Now let's build on that last thought. We are told that the empire is bad, and then they show it to us. They kill a bunch of random ass people pretty indiscriminately, including Jyn's mother, which is one scene that actually works (despite the fact I am confused why she hates the Empire for taking her father, and never again mentions she's gunned down by Krenick in front of her). The Rebels, by comparison, are good right? Well, who the fuck knows? The Rebels are a fucking mess in this movie. Forrest Whitacre's character, who's name I don't remember, is a good guy who fights the Empire and the rebels. They say it's because he's "too extreme", but in an earlier scene, we see Latin heart-throb rebel captain hero shoots an informant dead for no reason. Latin heart-throb also spends a lot of time talking about all of the terrible things he's done on behalf of the rebellion, which are never elaborated on, so I can only assume that FW's character is left out of the rebels because's he's black. Oh, and when they go to steal the Death Star plans, the Rebels bitch and complain and decide to surrender, I think, rather than risk it, and our heroes steal a ship (Rouge One) and steal the plans themselves. Once the rebels learn of this, they, WITHOUT EXPLANATION, change their minds and send their entire fleet into a life or death battle. I have no idea what motivates them to do this, besides the fact that the audience is supposed to know that Rebels=Good guys. Next, let's look at out heroes. It's a ragtag group of people coming together to overcome an evil that threatens them all. The most generic action movie plot over, but look at the walkers fighting x-wings! Jyn- I guess the main hero of the movie. She's motivated by her father being taken by the Empire to build the Death Star against his will. She escapes as a kid, and becomes a criminal. I guess she became a terrorist in FW's radical cell, but I missed that in my watch through. She's rescued by the rebels and told that she can go free if she can introduce them to FW. She agrees, but then deus-ex-machina had a message from her father just arrive to FW at that moment, and he told her to tell the Rebels how to blow up the Death Star. She then becomes a leading figure in the Rebellion, despite being a prisoner earlier that day. She kicks off the 3rd act by leading a ragtag group again, and dies in an explosion. Latin heart-throb- Can't remember the character's name. In a terrible choice of assembling a ragtag group of heroes, he is exactly liek Jyn in that he's a rougish badass who plays by his own rules. He and Jyn hate each other, but then I think want to fuck by the end but have no chemistry as a couple so the filmmakers didn't explore it. His big character arc has him refusing to shoot Jyn's father after he was ordered to do so, although he is killed by the rebels anyways liek 2 minutes later. He is shot and left for dead, but comes back and saves Jyn at the end. They are then killed in an explosion. Funny Robot- Fun and likable robot that has the personality Latin Heart-throb should have had to make the movie work better. Comic-relief in a gritty war movie, and sure to sell plenty of toys. Gets shot in the face a bunch of times and dies. Chinese guys- I initially thought they were there to convince Chinese people to pay to see this, but of all of the heroes, they work the best. One guy is big and serious while the other is little and goofy. One of the guys is blind and a Jedi, even though they don't call him a jedi, he's a jedi. I have no idea why they didn't just call the guy who can dodge bullets, mysteriously not get hit with bullets while preying, and shoot down a fucking TIE fighter with his staff (which until that point, wasn't even a gun, he was just beating guys with it). The little guy dies in an explosion, then the big guy goes crazy after the little guy dies and goes on a rampage, ending with his death in a different explosion. Rafi from The League- I think his name was Bode, but he doesn't look like Swayze, he looks like Rafi. This guy is a part of the worst scene in the movie, where FW inexplicably has a slug monster that reads minds, and makes it head Rafi's mind. Why, and to what end are not revealed. It serves no purpose, is stupid, gross, and takes you out of immersion. Fuck that part. He knows Jyn's father, and for some reason being friends with Jyn's father is enough to motivate him to defect from the Empire, get tortured, join the Rebellion, steal a ship for the Rebellion, and do a bunch of shit. He has zero backstory, characterization, and his purpose outside of needing to explain how they get into the empire's planet is lost on me. He dies in an explosion. Galen- Jyn's father, who is recruited by the Empire to build the Death Star. He knows the Empire doesn't need him, but he decides to go along to make the Empire thing that they do need him? Anyways, he makes the exhaust port that kills the Death Star, and wants to get that info to the Rebels. For some reason, the actual message is addressed to his daughter, although the deliverer of the message, Rafi, insists he needs to give it to FW. He eventually gets caught sending the message to the rebels, and is bombed by the rebels for his troubles. He dies shortly after an explosion, with enough time to give some expository dialog to his daughter who was conveniently nearby. So those are our heroes. Some work, some don't, but it's an ensemble, and they all die in explosions, so you don't connect with them very much anyways. The 2nd act of the film, where the characters are at their lowest and watch to build towards something is very weak, bince you don't care about them that much. FW's character gets killed by the Death Star, which apparently has a don't explode the planet mode, because while everyone is escaping the blast, he says he doesn't want to run, and then gets killed while everyone escapes. That's confusing because at the end, after they steal the plans, the Death Star fires at Jyn and Latin Heart-throb, and instead of trying to escape like they did the day before, they just sit there and die. It's like they know they can't be ret-connned into the subsequent movies, so they just take it. A few moar gripes, then I talk about the stuff that werks: FUCK YOU FOR THE R2D2 and C3PO cameos. Fuck you assholes. What an awful, awful fucking decision. Bullshit fan-service takes you right out of the movie right when it's getting good. TRIPLE FUCK YOU FOR THE 19 YEAR OLF CARRIE FISHER CAMEO! Remember how the final shot of Force Awakens was that awesome reveal of Luke. This is the opposite of that. And FUCK YOU for randomly adding new types of Rebel fighters and TIE fighters. This movie literally takes place hours before Episode 4, and they introduce a bunch of ships you don't see the next fucking day. Hope the toys sell well. Coming up next on TL;DR theatre- what I liked
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Post by Aborted Cyclone Fetus on Dec 27, 2016 12:55:07 GMT -6
I thought it was pretty good but whatever.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 27, 2016 13:11:16 GMT -6
I thought it was pretty good but whatever. I thought it was pretty good too. Like I said, just being Star Wars filled in quite a bit of stuff that otter wise wouldn't have worked. Still, I ask you, can you remember the character name of the Latin guy, the Rafi guy, or the black guy? Is it a good sign I don't care enough about them that I don't remember their names?
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Post by NOTTHOR on Dec 27, 2016 13:59:33 GMT -6
This movie was supposed to be a gritty war movie, that, unlike previous Star Wars movies, doesn't rely on super-human jedi to save the day, but rather ordinary people standing up to the oppressive power. Then they have a blind guy shoot down a fucking TIE fighter. That kind of summarizes the uneven tone this movie strikes which makes it only passable because it's in the Star Wars universe. Without Star Wars, this is just a slightly above average, but ultimately forgettable action movie. Paradoxically, it's foothold on classic Star Wars is at once the best thing about it, but also continually harmful to the immersion of the film. To demonstrate this, let's look at the villain of the movie. Or better yet, try and figure out who the villain is, because the movie can't settle on one. We have three villains, one, the new guy, Director Krenick, who is played by some British guy, and I think is supposed to be the main bad guy, since he's key in what I assume is supposed to be the "emotional core" of the film, which is Jyn & her pappy, but that element is buried in an avalanche of nostalgia, the story doesn't work, and thus Krenick doesn't work well as a villain. He unceremoniously dies on a tower being useless. The otter villain is Tarkin, who is extremely distractingly not played by an actor that looks like the long dead Peter Cushing, but by a CGI character who brings the uncanny valley to the Death Star. Honestly, the effects are pretty good, and if I didn't know they resurrected a dead actor, it might have worked. However, as it stands, it's fucking distracting, and it's nostalgia getting in the way of the plot and characters, as well as breaking immersion. Tarkin is supposed to be Krenick's boss, I think, but also his rival, I think. I am not sure what the relationship is. In New Hope, Tarkin bosses Vader around, but in this movie, Krenick goes to Vader to go over Tarkin's head. I dunno. The final villain is Vader, who is played by a tall guy wearing a Halloween costume and an 85 year old James Earl Jones. I don't really know how old JEJ is, but he fucking sounds like it. I don't know how they can make the corpse of Cushing look like he did in 1977, but they couldn't make JEJ sound like he did in 1977. The result is, again, distracting from the movie for the sake of nostalgia. Vader lives in a castle surrounded by lava, which I assume is to remind him that he once got eaten by lava. However, we're introduced to him naked in a healing tank, so I would assume that would remind him that he was eaten by lava better than the castle, but what do I know. I have no idea what Vader's responsibility is supposed to be. He tells Krenick not to fuck up, which is what Tarkin has been telling him the whole time. He shows up on the end to go on a fan-service rampage where he's an unstoppable killing machine. This killing spree ends literally minutes before Episode 4 kicks off, so it's odd that he went from killing 20 armed rebels in a hallway single-handedly to slap-fighting an elderly Obi-Wan to a draw the next day, but whatever. So we have three main Villains. One of them has clear motivations; Krenick wants to command the Death Star and get the credit for building it. The other two are there for fan service, and either confuse the story, or get in the way of it. None of the protagonists encounter, or possibly even know Tarkin and Vader exist, and thus have no reason to challenge and overcome them outside of Rebels=Good Empire=Bad. Now let's build on that last thought. We are told that the empire is bad, and then they show it to us. They kill a bunch of random ass people pretty indiscriminately, including Jyn's mother, which is one scene that actually works (despite the fact I am confused why she hates the Empire for taking her father, and never again mentions she's gunned down by Krenick in front of her). The Rebels, by comparison, are good right? Well, who the fuck knows? The Rebels are a fucking mess in this movie. Forrest Whitacre's character, who's name I don't remember, is a good guy who fights the Empire and the rebels. They say it's because he's "too extreme", but in an earlier scene, we see Latin heart-throb rebel captain hero shoots an informant dead for no reason. Latin heart-throb also spends a lot of time talking about all of the terrible things he's done on behalf of the rebellion, which are never elaborated on, so I can only assume that FW's character is left out of the rebels because's he's black. Oh, and when they go to steal the Death Star plans, the Rebels bitch and complain and decide to surrender, I think, rather than risk it, and our heroes steal a ship (Rouge One) and steal the plans themselves. Once the rebels learn of this, they, WITHOUT EXPLANATION, change their minds and send their entire fleet into a life or death battle. I have no idea what motivates them to do this, besides the fact that the audience is supposed to know that Rebels=Good guys. Next, let's look at out heroes. It's a ragtag group of people coming together to overcome an evil that threatens them all. The most generic action movie plot over, but look at the walkers fighting x-wings! Jyn- I guess the main hero of the movie. She's motivated by her father being taken by the Empire to build the Death Star against his will. She escapes as a kid, and becomes a criminal. I guess she became a terrorist in FW's radical cell, but I missed that in my watch through. She's rescued by the rebels and told that she can go free if she can introduce them to FW. She agrees, but then deus-ex-machina had a message from her father just arrive to FW at that moment, and he told her to tell the Rebels how to blow up the Death Star. She then becomes a leading figure in the Rebellion, despite being a prisoner earlier that day. She kicks off the 3rd act by leading a ragtag group again, and dies in an explosion. Latin heart-throb- Can't remember the character's name. In a terrible choice of assembling a ragtag group of heroes, he is exactly liek Jyn in that he's a rougish badass who plays by his own rules. He and Jyn hate each other, but then I think want to fuck by the end but have no chemistry as a couple so the filmmakers didn't explore it. His big character arc has him refusing to shoot Jyn's father after he was ordered to do so, although he is killed by the rebels anyways liek 2 minutes later. He is shot and left for dead, but comes back and saves Jyn at the end. They are then killed in an explosion. Funny Robot- Fun and likable robot that has the personality Latin Heart-throb should have had to make the movie work better. Comic-relief in a gritty war movie, and sure to sell plenty of toys. Gets shot in the face a bunch of times and dies. Chinese guys- I initially thought they were there to convince Chinese people to pay to see this, but of all of the heroes, they work the best. One guy is big and serious while the other is little and goofy. One of the guys is blind and a Jedi, even though they don't call him a jedi, he's a jedi. I have no idea why they didn't just call the guy who can dodge bullets, mysteriously not get hit with bullets while preying, and shoot down a fucking TIE fighter with his staff (which until that point, wasn't even a gun, he was just beating guys with it). The little guy dies in an explosion, then the big guy goes crazy after the little guy dies and goes on a rampage, ending with his death in a different explosion. Rafi from The League- I think his name was Bode, but he doesn't look like Swayze, he looks like Rafi. This guy is a part of the worst scene in the movie, where FW inexplicably has a slug monster that reads minds, and makes it head Rafi's mind. Why, and to what end are not revealed. It serves no purpose, is stupid, gross, and takes you out of immersion. Fuck that part. He knows Jyn's father, and for some reason being friends with Jyn's father is enough to motivate him to defect from the Empire, get tortured, join the Rebellion, steal a ship for the Rebellion, and do a bunch of shit. He has zero backstory, characterization, and his purpose outside of needing to explain how they get into the empire's planet is lost on me. He dies in an explosion. Galen- Jyn's father, who is recruited by the Empire to build the Death Star. He knows the Empire doesn't need him, but he decides to go along to make the Empire thing that they do need him? Anyways, he makes the exhaust port that kills the Death Star, and wants to get that info to the Rebels. For some reason, the actual message is addressed to his daughter, although the deliverer of the message, Rafi, insists he needs to give it to FW. He eventually gets caught sending the message to the rebels, and is bombed by the rebels for his troubles. He dies shortly after an explosion, with enough time to give some expository dialog to his daughter who was conveniently nearby. So those are our heroes. Some work, some don't, but it's an ensemble, and they all die in explosions, so you don't connect with them very much anyways. The 2nd act of the film, where the characters are at their lowest and watch to build towards something is very weak, bince you don't care about them that much. FW's character gets killed by the Death Star, which apparently has a don't explode the planet mode, because while everyone is escaping the blast, he says he doesn't want to run, and then gets killed while everyone escapes. That's confusing because at the end, after they steal the plans, the Death Star fires at Jyn and Latin Heart-throb, and instead of trying to escape like they did the day before, they just sit there and die. It's like they know they can't be ret-connned into the subsequent movies, so they just take it. A few moar gripes, then I talk about the stuff that werks: FUCK YOU FOR THE R2D2 and C3PO cameos. Fuck you assholes. What an awful, awful fucking decision. Bullshit fan-service takes you right out of the movie right when it's getting good. TRIPLE FUCK YOU FOR THE 19 YEAR OLF CARRIE FISHER CAMEO! Remember how the final shot of Force Awakens was that awesome reveal of Luke. This is the opposite of that. And FUCK YOU for randomly adding new types of Rebel fighters and TIE fighters. This movie literally takes place hours before Episode 4, and they introduce a bunch of ships you don't see the next fucking day. Hope the toys sell well. Coming up next on TL;DR theatre- what I liked Haven't seen and won't watch it unless it is on HBO, so thank you for the recap. I like your part about Rafi from the League. No matter what that guy tries to do, he will always be Rafi. Did thousands of Bothans die? Did Porkins or Wedge make cameos in the movie? As you recall, I was fairly pissed about Episode 7. It sounds to me like if a fanboi like you had this much bad to say about the movie, a man of my discerning taste will find it simply intolerable. I think Disney will go the NFL route with this thing - they will channel stuff the shit out of it and flood the market with too much content, without regard to the fact that the charm of the original Star Wars was the scarcity of original movie content. Once Lucas realized how shitty the derivative crap got, he scrapped everything but the books. Disney can't do that, they are trying to fill the ESPN revenue hole. $318 million domestic box office through yesterday on a $200 million budget is a disaster for Disney, so they will get even more desperate and idiotic with the future stand alone movies, none of which I intend to watch.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 27, 2016 14:16:27 GMT -6
Disney is in a tough spot, bince they paid billions for the intellectual property, but the only value in the property is reminding everyone how great Star Wars was 30 years ago.
SPOILERS
Disney has to provide the fan service to keep the Star Wars boners hard. They can't have their investment tainted by bearded man-children fanboys complaining there wasn't enough light sabers. Therefore, they are forced to make the little Asian guy a not-jedi Jedi, they are forced to randomly shoehorn in the "We're wanted men" walrus dude from the Cantina scene, and why they have to have Darth Vader go on a murderous rampage, even though it makes no sense.
It's why Disney HAD to make Ep. VII a story we've already seen. They spent too much money to take risks. The bearded man-children are just excited Lucas can't fuck things up anymore, so as long as midichlorians aren't mentioned, they'll jerk off to it. They paid for a big expansive galaxy to tell stories in, but the catch-22 is they need the familiar setting, stories, and characters to sell to retards, so they're afraid to stray too far from the well.
Also, as promised, I will get to a rant on the good parts of the movie. I just had to go to a government building this afternoon, and I still have a contact buzz.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Dec 27, 2016 14:18:20 GMT -6
Haven't seen and won't watch it unless it is on HBO, so thank you for the recap. I like your part about Rafi from the League. No matter what that guy tries to do, he will always be Rafi. Did thousands of Bothans die? Did Porkins or Wedge make cameos in the movie? I don't think it was the actual Rafi guy. looked like him though. And to answer your questions; 1. That was the 2nd DS, no, and no. The guys who played Red Leader and Gold leader in the original were brought back though.
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Post by NOTTHOR on Dec 27, 2016 16:15:01 GMT -6
They spent too much money to take risks. Ghost, I thought you have watched enough of Greg Davis and Ken O'Keefe to understand that not taking risks is actually riskier than taking risks. You'll see in time, young padawan.
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Post by NOTTHOR on Dec 27, 2016 16:17:32 GMT -6
Haven't seen and won't watch it unless it is on HBO, so thank you for the recap. I like your part about Rafi from the League. No matter what that guy tries to do, he will always be Rafi. Did thousands of Bothans die? Did Porkins or Wedge make cameos in the movie? I don't think it was the actual Rafi guy. looked like him though. And to answer your questions; 1. That was the 2nd DS, no, and no. The guys who played Red Leader and Gold leader in the original were brought back though. Oh yeah, sorry about the Bothans. Forgot that was episode 6. The plot's all starting to blend together. Shame they didn't figure out a way to jam Porkins in there. People loved that guy. Probably the most significant ancillary character in the entire series.
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Post by Ginger on Dec 27, 2016 18:11:47 GMT -6
This movie was supposed to be a gritty war movie, that, unlike previous Star Wars movies, doesn't rely on super-human jedi to save the day, but rather ordinary people standing up to the oppressive power. Then they have a blind guy shoot down a fucking TIE fighter. That kind of summarizes the uneven tone this movie strikes which makes it only passable because it's in the Star Wars universe. Without Star Wars, this is just a slightly above average, but ultimately forgettable action movie. Paradoxically, it's foothold on classic Star Wars is at once the best thing about it, but also continually harmful to the immersion of the film. To demonstrate this, let's look at the villain of the movie. Or better yet, try and figure out who the villain is, because the movie can't settle on one. We have three villains, one, the new guy, Director Krenick, who is played by some British guy, and I think is supposed to be the main bad guy, since he's key in what I assume is supposed to be the "emotional core" of the film, which is Jyn & her pappy, but that element is buried in an avalanche of nostalgia, the story doesn't work, and thus Krenick doesn't work well as a villain. He unceremoniously dies on a tower being useless. The otter villain is Tarkin, who is extremely distractingly not played by an actor that looks like the long dead Peter Cushing, but by a CGI character who brings the uncanny valley to the Death Star. Honestly, the effects are pretty good, and if I didn't know they resurrected a dead actor, it might have worked. However, as it stands, it's fucking distracting, and it's nostalgia getting in the way of the plot and characters, as well as breaking immersion. Tarkin is supposed to be Krenick's boss, I think, but also his rival, I think. I am not sure what the relationship is. In New Hope, Tarkin bosses Vader around, but in this movie, Krenick goes to Vader to go over Tarkin's head. I dunno. The final villain is Vader, who is played by a tall guy wearing a Halloween costume and an 85 year old James Earl Jones. I don't really know how old JEJ is, but he fucking sounds like it. I don't know how they can make the corpse of Cushing look like he did in 1977, but they couldn't make JEJ sound like he did in 1977. The result is, again, distracting from the movie for the sake of nostalgia. Vader lives in a castle surrounded by lava, which I assume is to remind him that he once got eaten by lava. However, we're introduced to him naked in a healing tank, so I would assume that would remind him that he was eaten by lava better than the castle, but what do I know. I have no idea what Vader's responsibility is supposed to be. He tells Krenick not to fuck up, which is what Tarkin has been telling him the whole time. He shows up on the end to go on a fan-service rampage where he's an unstoppable killing machine. This killing spree ends literally minutes before Episode 4 kicks off, so it's odd that he went from killing 20 armed rebels in a hallway single-handedly to slap-fighting an elderly Obi-Wan to a draw the next day, but whatever. So we have three main Villains. One of them has clear motivations; Krenick wants to command the Death Star and get the credit for building it. The other two are there for fan service, and either confuse the story, or get in the way of it. None of the protagonists encounter, or possibly even know Tarkin and Vader exist, and thus have no reason to challenge and overcome them outside of Rebels=Good Empire=Bad. Now let's build on that last thought. We are told that the empire is bad, and then they show it to us. They kill a bunch of random ass people pretty indiscriminately, including Jyn's mother, which is one scene that actually works (despite the fact I am confused why she hates the Empire for taking her father, and never again mentions she's gunned down by Krenick in front of her). The Rebels, by comparison, are good right? Well, who the fuck knows? The Rebels are a fucking mess in this movie. Forrest Whitacre's character, who's name I don't remember, is a good guy who fights the Empire and the rebels. They say it's because he's "too extreme", but in an earlier scene, we see Latin heart-throb rebel captain hero shoots an informant dead for no reason. Latin heart-throb also spends a lot of time talking about all of the terrible things he's done on behalf of the rebellion, which are never elaborated on, so I can only assume that FW's character is left out of the rebels because's he's black. Oh, and when they go to steal the Death Star plans, the Rebels bitch and complain and decide to surrender, I think, rather than risk it, and our heroes steal a ship (Rouge One) and steal the plans themselves. Once the rebels learn of this, they, WITHOUT EXPLANATION, change their minds and send their entire fleet into a life or death battle. I have no idea what motivates them to do this, besides the fact that the audience is supposed to know that Rebels=Good guys. Next, let's look at out heroes. It's a ragtag group of people coming together to overcome an evil that threatens them all. The most generic action movie plot over, but look at the walkers fighting x-wings! Jyn- I guess the main hero of the movie. She's motivated by her father being taken by the Empire to build the Death Star against his will. She escapes as a kid, and becomes a criminal. I guess she became a terrorist in FW's radical cell, but I missed that in my watch through. She's rescued by the rebels and told that she can go free if she can introduce them to FW. She agrees, but then deus-ex-machina had a message from her father just arrive to FW at that moment, and he told her to tell the Rebels how to blow up the Death Star. She then becomes a leading figure in the Rebellion, despite being a prisoner earlier that day. She kicks off the 3rd act by leading a ragtag group again, and dies in an explosion. Latin heart-throb- Can't remember the character's name. In a terrible choice of assembling a ragtag group of heroes, he is exactly liek Jyn in that he's a rougish badass who plays by his own rules. He and Jyn hate each other, but then I think want to fuck by the end but have no chemistry as a couple so the filmmakers didn't explore it. His big character arc has him refusing to shoot Jyn's father after he was ordered to do so, although he is killed by the rebels anyways liek 2 minutes later. He is shot and left for dead, but comes back and saves Jyn at the end. They are then killed in an explosion. Funny Robot- Fun and likable robot that has the personality Latin Heart-throb should have had to make the movie work better. Comic-relief in a gritty war movie, and sure to sell plenty of toys. Gets shot in the face a bunch of times and dies. Chinese guys- I initially thought they were there to convince Chinese people to pay to see this, but of all of the heroes, they work the best. One guy is big and serious while the other is little and goofy. One of the guys is blind and a Jedi, even though they don't call him a jedi, he's a jedi. I have no idea why they didn't just call the guy who can dodge bullets, mysteriously not get hit with bullets while preying, and shoot down a fucking TIE fighter with his staff (which until that point, wasn't even a gun, he was just beating guys with it). The little guy dies in an explosion, then the big guy goes crazy after the little guy dies and goes on a rampage, ending with his death in a different explosion. Rafi from The League- I think his name was Bode, but he doesn't look like Swayze, he looks like Rafi. This guy is a part of the worst scene in the movie, where FW inexplicably has a slug monster that reads minds, and makes it head Rafi's mind. Why, and to what end are not revealed. It serves no purpose, is stupid, gross, and takes you out of immersion. Fuck that part. He knows Jyn's father, and for some reason being friends with Jyn's father is enough to motivate him to defect from the Empire, get tortured, join the Rebellion, steal a ship for the Rebellion, and do a bunch of shit. He has zero backstory, characterization, and his purpose outside of needing to explain how they get into the empire's planet is lost on me. He dies in an explosion. Galen- Jyn's father, who is recruited by the Empire to build the Death Star. He knows the Empire doesn't need him, but he decides to go along to make the Empire thing that they do need him? Anyways, he makes the exhaust port that kills the Death Star, and wants to get that info to the Rebels. For some reason, the actual message is addressed to his daughter, although the deliverer of the message, Rafi, insists he needs to give it to FW. He eventually gets caught sending the message to the rebels, and is bombed by the rebels for his troubles. He dies shortly after an explosion, with enough time to give some expository dialog to his daughter who was conveniently nearby. So those are our heroes. Some work, some don't, but it's an ensemble, and they all die in explosions, so you don't connect with them very much anyways. The 2nd act of the film, where the characters are at their lowest and watch to build towards something is very weak, bince you don't care about them that much. FW's character gets killed by the Death Star, which apparently has a don't explode the planet mode, because while everyone is escaping the blast, he says he doesn't want to run, and then gets killed while everyone escapes. That's confusing because at the end, after they steal the plans, the Death Star fires at Jyn and Latin Heart-throb, and instead of trying to escape like they did the day before, they just sit there and die. It's like they know they can't be ret-connned into the subsequent movies, so they just take it. A few moar gripes, then I talk about the stuff that werks: FUCK YOU FOR THE R2D2 and C3PO cameos. Fuck you assholes. What an awful, awful fucking decision. Bullshit fan-service takes you right out of the movie right when it's getting good. TRIPLE FUCK YOU FOR THE 19 YEAR OLF CARRIE FISHER CAMEO! Remember how the final shot of Force Awakens was that awesome reveal of Luke. This is the opposite of that. And FUCK YOU for randomly adding new types of Rebel fighters and TIE fighters. This movie literally takes place hours before Episode 4, and they introduce a bunch of ships you don't see the next fucking day. Hope the toys sell well. Coming up next on TL;DR theatre- what I liked Tl;dr
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Post by Incogayno. on Dec 27, 2016 20:46:57 GMT -6
I don't think it was the actual Rafi guy. looked like him though. And to answer your questions; 1. That was the 2nd DS, no, and no. The guys who played Red Leader and Gold leader in the original were brought back though. Oh yeah, sorry about the Bothans. Forgot that was episode 6. The plot's all starting to blend together. Shame they didn't figure out a way to jam Porkins in there. People loved that guy. Probably the most significant ancillary character in the entire series. There was a fat guy who died in a fighter. Does that count?
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Post by Solar Stud on Dec 27, 2016 21:05:38 GMT -6
Princess put her "heart" and soul into the ending.
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