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Post by ignatiusreilly on Sept 21, 2008 22:42:05 GMT -6
Well I know you guys are always talking about cougars... and I'm always jealous cuz I never find any. I'm recently single now and happened upon one. So I thought I'd share my tale. I go to this bonfire Sat night and there basically no chicks there. But whatever it still might be fun and I was pretty drunk from watching the Hawks choke. Well I come out of the house after being there for awhile and I see this smoking hot girl from the back. I'm thinking whoa, business just picked up. Well she turns around and she's an older gal. 47 years old, with the body of a 22 year old. I don't know what happened, but she's totally in love with me for some odd reason. Next thing I know she's grinding all over me to AD/DC. Anyways, fun night. She gives me a ride home and the rest is history. So now I am a proud upstanding member of the cougar club. I sometimes carry a video camera around to document my night and also capture girls gone wild moments. So here's a couple stills from a video to give you a visual aid. Pretty nice I thought for 47. Anybody else have any cougar stories to share?
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herkyp
Prostate Massager
Posts: 134
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Post by herkyp on Sept 22, 2008 4:27:39 GMT -6
Dude, very proud.
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Post by poncho72 on Sept 22, 2008 7:34:35 GMT -6
Nice job man!
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Post by Dr. Doofenshmirtz (Heywood) on Sept 22, 2008 7:36:41 GMT -6
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Post by mattahawk on Sept 22, 2008 8:13:39 GMT -6
Congrats, the tat' on her shoulder brought her skank level up a notch or two but still a worthy accomplishment.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Sept 22, 2008 8:38:20 GMT -6
Sounds like a real classy broad
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Post by NotMyKid on Sept 22, 2008 10:50:47 GMT -6
Congrats, the tat' on her shoulder brought her skank level up a notch or two but still a worthy accomplishment. I was thinking the same thing!
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Post by ignatiusreilly on Sept 22, 2008 10:51:04 GMT -6
Yes, the back tatoo just added to the experience. I think that might have been the only one I remember seeing, but I bet there was more I just wasn't paying attention.
She actually seems like a real laid-back, independent kind of lady. She did describe herself as a hippie, so that might not appeal to some on here. She does like to fish and watch football (two of my favorite things). We watched football yesterday. She actually is into it and I only had to explain what a safety was. I hadn't watched that much football in years. How far are you supposed to go with this cougar thing? The last guy she dated was 29, lol, I'm 28. I always wanted to date Goldie Hawn. Even though her son's friends say she looks like Uma Thurman. I can kinda see that too. Uncharted territory for me, but it's kind of funny. I think I might go to her son's homecoming game this week. Surely something funny could happen there. Why not?
What says the board? Am I in danger of breaking some type of unwritten cougar laws?
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Post by isu is shit on Sept 22, 2008 10:56:07 GMT -6
hit it and forget it
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Post by ignatiusreilly on Sept 22, 2008 11:14:39 GMT -6
So, no 'milking the cow' then? I figured you say that.
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Post by twinegarden on Sept 22, 2008 12:05:49 GMT -6
Did she have loose skin?
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Post by ignatiusreilly on Sept 22, 2008 12:28:45 GMT -6
Good question. I'd have to say on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being not loose at all and 10 being like an old grandma... I'd say maybe a 3.
This woman was pretty fit. She has a swimming pool, so maybe she swims a lot or does yoga or something.
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Post by NOTTHOR on Sept 22, 2008 13:22:53 GMT -6
Dude, I'm not supposed to post from work anymore, but I have to interject here, you're in serious trouble. The "I like to watch football" line is the oldest line in the cougar playbook. It's a classic bait and switch. Classic. The fact that she probably has your phone number, email address, knows your real name and spent "the day after" with you means you are already in way over your head, son.
And how old is her kid? 25, 26? If this thing goes to where the cougar wants to take it, your stepson will be just a couple years younger than you. Do you want to be that dude? And how do you know her son's friends haven't gone all Stiffler's mom on her? Man, there are too many unanswered questions here.
Dude, you gotta break it off RIGHT NOW. It's freaking trouble, dude. Cougars are for one time use only. Be forewarned, run like hell. Grinding to AC/DC, back tattoo, probably a tramp stamp, too, drinking swill Bud Select, let me guess, she smokes Pall Malls and drives a '77 Monte Carlo, too. Just run, seriously, this will probably NOT END WELL FOR YOU. And for the love of god, don't hit it raw. See, e.g. ghost's thread on genital warts for a great reason why to be safe.
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Post by ignatiusreilly on Sept 22, 2008 13:44:21 GMT -6
LOL... thanks for the cougar advice. I'll take it in.
I'm just screwing around. There is no threat of a relationship here. I knew the football thing was a play from her book, nobody likes football that much. Not even me.
Grinding to AC/DC... I don't care how trampy that is.. that turns me on big time. I can't go out in Iowa City and find any girl that is going to even know an AC/DC song beside You Shook Me All Night Long. She was dancing like pro to the old Bon Scott sh*t. I don't care how old you are, that moves you up a notch in my book.
This is just an interesting experience for me. I once went home with a 31 year old when I was 22 and I thought that was some kind of Stiffler's mom accomplishment. This is just on a whole nother level.
Thanks for the advice... I will take it in and tread lightly. I'm not really the romantic, date somebody's Grandmother type. I'm pretty sure she knows that.
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Post by Solar Stud on Sept 22, 2008 14:34:42 GMT -6
If you really want to get off the hook, and have some fun along the way, make up some fake business cards with BTR's information and hand them out the next morning.
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Post by NotMyKid on Sept 22, 2008 15:08:26 GMT -6
Hit it a couple more times, see how wild she will get in the sack, Start with one of these: Or if you really want to see how freaky she is try one of these: Then run like hell.
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Post by roxxstar on Sept 22, 2008 15:58:19 GMT -6
Or you could invite some buddies over and rent a copy of Tony Hawk 3.
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Post by germaine on Sept 22, 2008 16:14:03 GMT -6
Did you have someone else videotaping you guys? Put the camera up somewhere? Did she know she was being taped?
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Post by Saggitariutt Jefferspin (ith) on Sept 22, 2008 16:58:05 GMT -6
Or you could invite some buddies over and rent a copy of Tony Hawk 3.
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Post by jwiley10 on Sept 22, 2008 17:03:19 GMT -6
She was born the year Kennedy took office.
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Post by ignatiusreilly on Sept 22, 2008 21:42:38 GMT -6
She was born the year Kennedy took office. Hey thanks for the tidbit of info. You know what I really want is someone born in 1969. The year of the Miracle Mets and the year we landed on the moon. I better get back out on the bonfire circuit.
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Post by mattahawk on Sept 22, 2008 22:20:20 GMT -6
She was born the year Kennedy took office. Hey thanks for the tidbit of info. You know what I really want is someone born in 1969. The year of the Miracle Mets and the year we landed on the moon. I better get back out on the bonfire circuit. Uh, don't quote me on this but I think we landed on the moon in 62'. Back to the cougar. Tell her you can't remember what happened that night and you were wondering if she has a tat' by her pie just like Megan Fox. Maybe she could show you. I would also joke around with her about how much fun you are having with her etc so she knows your just looking for a good time nothing serious. I think some people refer to this as "friends with benefits", I read that somewheres??? Go to the kids homecoming but watch out if she wants you to meet him or come over for supper etc. That is a bad, bad, bad sign. While you are in this relationship you could always do a little role playing. She can be Obi wan kenobi and you can be luke skywalker, teacher/student, my God she is half a century old she has to have a lot of experience with laying pipe.
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Post by Solar Stud on Sept 23, 2008 9:58:59 GMT -6
I gave you an exault for your post!
True-life stories, real-time pictures, before, during and after commentary....outstanding.
Truly, the best overall thread topic/input to date on Wasteland!
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Post by ignatiusreilly on Sept 23, 2008 12:08:54 GMT -6
Matta: July 20th, 1969... one giant step for man.. however the hell it goes. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_LandingHey thanks Seth. I was just trying to help. I know this board likes cougar stories. I like em too. Just trying to add to the discussion. Hopefully this will motivate you guys to get out and find one this coming weekend... don't forget the camera. Surely they'll be some out tailgating in Iowa City. I always see a few fine looking older women down there. They are usually up for some fun too. Finding one with an extra ticket is bonus points. Germaine: to answer your question, she did know she was being videotaped. My buddy was standing right there holding the camera. In this particular video he's trying to find out where we went and she tells him we were down in the woods having sex. We actually convince him that's where we went. The real question is where was he, because we didn't actually go anywhere. Yeah that video camera is kind of fun, but sometimes I wake up and I don't want to see any of the videos. It can be a little embarrassing. Two weekends ago I didn't even watch em. I just deleted them all. It's just this little video camera called a Flip video that I stuff in my pocket. It runs on 2 AAs and can only shoot 30 minutes of video. But that's enough to incriminate yourself, so you gotta be careful.
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Post by twinegarden on Sept 23, 2008 12:38:08 GMT -6
Was this particular cougar located in English Valley country?
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