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Post by twine on Jan 25, 2011 12:55:42 GMT -6
Yeah, I think I am trying to place blame on something, she could just be a miserable twat. She called on her way home from work complaining about a coworkers, how she has to work on the holidays and her birthday, etc. I told her to be happy she has the next six days off and she kept complaining. Then, I said, "Try not to be so negative all the time, it's depressing." Then, shit hit the fan and and she borderline hung up the phone then started crying about how I wasn't supportive. Is this normal for any of you dudes to have to be an emotional crutch for your woman frequently or am I dealing with a Grade A succubus? She can be cool and is a lot of the time but lately it seems like I'm going out of my way to make her calm down and be happy and not really getting much back other than some trim from an attractive MILF. Fucking run. Fucking kick up your boots and run and don't ever look back. Seriously. The benefit of trim will be gone at some point and then you will be a cheaper, younger Doctor Phil to her. I've had some psycho ex-gfriends in the past and once I finally said "fuck that" I was at my happiest because I didn't feel like I was living some ideal of what they wanted me to be. Do some thinking and decide if you are being "you" in this relationship or if you are being someone or something that she WANTS you to be. If so.... get out. Oh and by the way.... you COULD have posted in my fucking advice column by I'll take what I can get. lol . Well Gumby, I finally took your advice and cut it off. After this previously mentioned episode I let her know if things continued this way I wouldn't put up with it and threatened to leave, to which she bawled screaming "PLEASE, NO!!" etc. Then after about a week and a half it happened again. Then I had a possible job opportunity here in Des Monies, which fell through and when it did I told her I'd do what it took to make us work as long as she held up her end of the deal. No more than two weeks later she went off the handle. I tried to tell her to settle down and she kept acting like a psycho for three days and I finally put my foot down and told her no more. She begged and pleaded like before but I had already told her several times in the past that I wouldn't let her do it again and th pattern is becoming painfully apparent. It sucks to leave her and I really do care a lot about her kid but it's not worth having a streak of 7 good days to be folowed up by a streak of several days of getting nonstop shit. I feel sad and liberated right now. Sorry to air my dirty laundry here and maybe it's not the right place but it's been a pretty difficult last night and day and I need to get it off my chest. She tells me she's sorry and she'll change and it will never happen again but it's the same old song and dance. She has an appointment to get some counseling and is begging me to keep her around until then so she can control her emotions but I think I'm at the end of my rope with her. I hate dealing with this kind of shit. It sucks really fucking bad. If she wasn't so good looking I would have put an end to all this shit a long time ago. Sadly, she's maybe the best looking girl I've ever hooked up with or had a relationship. I think that is part of the reason she thinks she can get away with the bullshit though
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Post by hawkeyedug on Jan 25, 2011 13:12:30 GMT -6
Unfortunately for women their looks are are swiftly diminishing asset. You made the right move.
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Post by NotMyKid on Jan 25, 2011 13:57:37 GMT -6
Twine,
As tough as it is you made the right call. Telling her that it needed to stop was all you could do, it didn't so you had to move on.
In fact it could have been worse off down the road, putting up with it any longer would just made it that much harder to leave in the long run not to mention it only would have gotten worse.
Looks aren't everything. (Although my wife is hot as hell ;D) I dated a girl the year after I graduated from college that was by far the hottest girl that I had ever gone out with. The kind that when you walk into a room or bar every guy and girl in the place wants to be her or be with her. She was runner up Miss Iowa, blonde, killer body, decent in the sack, and fun to hang out with.
Well after awhile I realized that she thought pretty highly of herself and really didn't have much to say on any topic other than hair products and drinking.
Sure it was fun to walk into places and have every guy want to be with the girl I was with but that gets old. We broke up she blamed me for not showing her the attention she needed blah, blah, blah.
It was the right move and it might take a few weeks or months but you will feel the same way.
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Post by thejesus on Jan 25, 2011 14:59:33 GMT -6
I feel your pain bro. Ending a relationship is very tough. I know all too well. Stay positive is my only advice. Things will get better.
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Post by germaine on Jan 25, 2011 16:30:18 GMT -6
Totally the right call, twine.
This is also the perfect place to talk about this stuff...my life is pretty mundane (and on the rare occasion it's not, I let drama seep in from other people, which is not fun), so it's enjoyable (sorry) to read about other people's drama llamas.
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Post by Gumbyhawk on Jan 25, 2011 17:25:36 GMT -6
Twine-
There are times in life when you have to be selfish and you have (or are) experiencing one of those times. But even with being selfish, you are actually helping her out as well. If she does indeed get the help she needs and improves herself, you can be a bit proud that maybe you helped push her in that direction. If not, well.... you tried and it didn't work.
I guess what I am trying to say is to not beat yourself up, brah. Yeah, shit like this sucks large, but it's a part of life. I think you looked at this relationship long-term and saw that it wasn't an ideal fit. That being the case, you made the right call for everyone involved.
Take some time to do some "YOU" things that only you like to do. That will help bring things back into perspective a bit.
Good luck.
Gumby
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Post by The Bluzmn on Jan 26, 2011 7:31:04 GMT -6
Sounds like you made the right decision to me. What people need to realize is that a lot of the hearts and flowers/passion and romance will fade over time - it's only natural. Then you are left with spending time with the person and you damn well better like hanging out with them. If you are overlooking stuff that drives you batshit, especially stuff like this, it is only going to get worse for you with time.
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Post by NotMyKid on Jan 26, 2011 9:50:27 GMT -6
Sounds like you made the right decision to me. What people need to realize is that a lot of the hearts and flowers/passion and romance will fade over time - it's only natural. Then you are left with spending time with the person and you damn well better like hanging out with them. If you are overlooking stuff that drives you batshit, especially stuff like this, it is only going to get worse for you with time. This. And 99% of the time they aren't going to change no matter how much they say they want or need to.
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Post by 101 on Jan 26, 2011 10:07:55 GMT -6
That is definitely the right move. Always remember, cute and hot are great for now, but stupid and/or psychotic is probably forever.
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Post by twine on Jan 26, 2011 10:37:13 GMT -6
Well, she's going to the psych doctor on Friday. She's well aware that her behavior is unacceptable and she is going to try and do what she can.
I know it would be probably easier to say fuck it and leave her right now but she seems really determined to get it right. Before she would just say she would change but her mom talked to her doctor to get her in for an evaluation. She is fully aware that she can't live the way she has been and I can't find it in my heart to tell her to go fuck herself just yet.
It may make me weak for not following through with letting her go but I'm still holding out hope that she might get it right.
There is a pretty good chance that in a month or two I'll be back here saying I should have cut it off right now but I'm not quite willing to give up. If it goes sour in a few months so be it but if she can get her shit straight I think there is a good chance I'll be glad I didn't abandon ship.
Go ahead and give me shit for being a pussy and not owning my balls on this. I'm just not quite ready to give up on what might have been.
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Post by NotMyKid on Jan 26, 2011 10:55:13 GMT -6
It's tough to do Twine, I get it, your a nice guy and regardless of the outcome she is taking the first step to get help.
Sure in two months we could all be saying we told you so but it's easy to do when your not in the situation.
Hopefully she gets the help she needs and it's something that can be fixed even if she doesn't end up with you it's what's best for her and her kid.
Good luck.
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Post by The Flying Spaghetti Monster on Jan 26, 2011 11:23:00 GMT -6
Well, she's going to the psych doctor on Friday. She's well aware that her behavior is unacceptable and she is going to try and do what she can. I know it would be probably easier to say fuck it and leave her right now but she seems really determined to get it right. Before she would just say she would change but her mom talked to her doctor to get her in for an evaluation. She is fully aware that she can't live the way she has been and I can't find it in my heart to tell her to go fuck herself just yet. It may make me weak for not following through with letting her go but I'm still holding out hope that she might get it right. There is a pretty good chance that in a month or two I'll be back here saying I should have cut it off right now but I'm not quite willing to give up. If it goes sour in a few months so be it but if she can get her shit straight I think there is a good chance I'll be glad I didn't abandon ship. Go ahead and give me shit for being a pussy and not owning my balls on this. I'm just not quite ready to give up on what might have been. Good for you Twine. Fuck all these other fucktards and their macho bullshit of 1950s leave-it-to-beaver laying down the law with their women. I've been married 19 years this year. Some great years in there, many good, some not so good, an a couple of just horrible, shit times. Remember, folks change for the better and for the worse all the time. Ten years ago, we had a lay it out, come to Jebus moment when I put it all on the line like you did. We worked through it all, and nine years later, its been a pretty good ride these last several years. I'm glad to see you had the stones to stand by your woman as she works through her issues. We've all got them, or will get them. I just hope it works out and she will be there for you when you need her. .....and if it doesn't work out in a couple of months, you can at least say you didn't give up and gave it all you had, unlike the rest of these other quitters around here.
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Post by lpcalihawk on Jan 26, 2011 12:11:47 GMT -6
Stay away from women on anti-depressant medication. Having lived practically my entire life around family that had mental illness and dating 1 girl who "needed" Prozac.....I made that one of my top priorities when determining what type of person I would marry. No anti-depressant drugs......booze or weed acceptable.....pharmecuticals not acceptable.
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Post by Stukat on Jan 26, 2011 13:17:44 GMT -6
I think it is a smart move to take her back and help her work through these things. I have hung out with the lady several times and enjoy her personality. She is a long long way from "bat shit crazy" like it may have come across to the HNwasteland board.
You did the right thing letting her know that what her behavior bothers you and by drawing that line in the sand. That had to be done to promote the change that you need in your relationship with her.
You are doing the right thing now by allowing her some time to get things figured out.
Give her another chance. 2 to 6 months from now you will know if that she has earned that second chance and you can take the appropriate action at that time.
And in 2 to 6 months this long cold winter will be over, the sauce will be back out in force in Des Moines and you can find some one else if it doesnt work out with you and the young foxy lady.
Mmmmm.......sauce.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 14:00:51 GMT -6
Stay away from women on anti-depressant medication. Having lived practically my entire life around family that had mental illness and dating 1 girl who "needed" Prozac.....I made that one of my top priorities when determining what type of person I would marry. No anti-depressant drugs......booze or weed acceptable.....pharmecuticals not acceptable. good luck with that extreme "philosophy", chief do you have any idea the number of adults in the US who take some sort of SSRI (or other types anti-panic/anti-anxiety/anti-depression RXs) on a daily basis? They're very prevalent. Me? Lexapro 10mg. And won't apologize or look down or otherwise concede anything to anyone. It doesn't give me a limp caak, it doesn't impact my drive, it just helps me avoid freaking out when seriously stressful situations occur. Which they do in my world pretty often.
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Post by NotMyKid on Jan 26, 2011 15:01:52 GMT -6
Stay away from women on anti-depressant medication. Having lived practically my entire life around family that had mental illness and dating 1 girl who "needed" Prozac.....I made that one of my top priorities when determining what type of person I would marry. No anti-depressant drugs......booze or weed acceptable.....pharmecuticals not acceptable. good luck with that extreme "philosophy", chief do you have any idea the number of adults in the US who take some sort of SSRI (or other types anti-panic/anti-anxiety/anti-depression RXs) on a daily basis? They're very prevalent. Me? Lexapro 10mg. And won't apologize or look down or otherwise concede anything to anyone. It doesn't give me a limp caak, it doesn't impact my drive, it just helps me avoid freaking out when seriously stressful situations occur. Which they do in my world pretty often. Pussy Sorry couldn't resist! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2011 18:18:28 GMT -6
good luck with that extreme "philosophy", chief do you have any idea the number of adults in the US who take some sort of SSRI (or other types anti-panic/anti-anxiety/anti-depression RXs) on a daily basis? They're very prevalent. Me? Lexapro 10mg. And won't apologize or look down or otherwise concede anything to anyone. It doesn't give me a limp caak, it doesn't impact my drive, it just helps me avoid freaking out when seriously stressful situations occur. Which they do in my world pretty often. Pussy Sorry couldn't resist! ;D now you've made me cry I guess I need to amp up to 20mg
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Post by Saggitariutt Jefferspin (ith) on Jan 27, 2011 12:10:34 GMT -6
Go ahead and give me shit for being a pussy and not owning my balls on this. I'm just not quite ready to give up on what might have been. Obviously nobody knows your situation like you do...so I don't think anyone would be just in doing so.
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Post by lpcalihawk on Jan 27, 2011 12:50:37 GMT -6
Stay away from women on anti-depressant medication. Having lived practically my entire life around family that had mental illness and dating 1 girl who "needed" Prozac.....I made that one of my top priorities when determining what type of person I would marry. No anti-depressant drugs......booze or weed acceptable.....pharmecuticals not acceptable. good luck with that extreme "philosophy", chief do you have any idea the number of adults in the US who take some sort of SSRI (or other types anti-panic/anti-anxiety/anti-depression RXs) on a daily basis? They're very prevalent. Me? Lexapro 10mg. And won't apologize or look down or otherwise concede anything to anyone. It doesn't give me a limp caak, it doesn't impact my drive, it just helps me avoid freaking out when seriously stressful situations occur. Which they do in my world pretty often. Your situation is your situation. If you think you "need" medication to control stressful situations, then so be it. I'm saying I wouldn't marry you. BTW, I did have good luck with my "extreme" stance. Have a great wife that doesn't need a Rx from a quack to get through her day.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2011 13:12:40 GMT -6
good luck with that extreme "philosophy", chief do you have any idea the number of adults in the US who take some sort of SSRI (or other types anti-panic/anti-anxiety/anti-depression RXs) on a daily basis? They're very prevalent. Me? Lexapro 10mg. And won't apologize or look down or otherwise concede anything to anyone. It doesn't give me a limp caak, it doesn't impact my drive, it just helps me avoid freaking out when seriously stressful situations occur. Which they do in my world pretty often. Your situation is your situation. If you think you "need" medication to control stressful situations, then so be it. I'm saying I wouldn't marry you. BTW, I did have good luck with my "extreme" stance. Have a great wife that doesn't need a Rx from a quack to get through her day. What's with the quotation marks around need? You're coming off here as an ignorant douchebag, but I'm pretty sure not actually like that or you wouldn't post here. What's the deal with hating on people that have an affliction? Implying that my family doc is a quack?!? What the fuck, over? You do understand that certain individuals have brain chemistry issues, malfunctions if you prefer, that can be balanced out with prescription meds? It's not a weakness, as you're suggesting - some are simply born that way due to the luck of genetic draw. Clinical depression runs on one side of my family tree. Feel free to mock me, but affected members of my family have recognized this issue and pursued the proper course of therapy/treatment.
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Post by lpcalihawk on Jan 27, 2011 13:43:44 GMT -6
Your situation is your situation. If you think you "need" medication to control stressful situations, then so be it. I'm saying I wouldn't marry you. BTW, I did have good luck with my "extreme" stance. Have a great wife that doesn't need a Rx from a quack to get through her day. What's with the quotation marks around need? You're coming off here as an ignorant douchebag, but I'm pretty sure not actually like that or you wouldn't post here. What's the deal with hating on people that have an affliction? Implying that my family doc is a quack?!? What the fuck, over? You do understand that certain individuals have brain chemistry issues, malfunctions if you prefer, that can be balanced out with prescription meds? It's not a weakness, as you're suggesting - some are simply born that way due to the luck of genetic draw. Clinical depression runs on one side of my family tree. Feel free to mock me, but affected members of my family have recognized this issue and pursued the proper course of therapy/treatment. The quotations around "need" demonstrates my opinion that we have become an over-medicated society in terms of mental illness, that is my opinion based on my experiences with my family and friends. That is my point. The term "quack" was used in general, not directed at your family doctor. I post on this board because I'm comfortable giving my opinions no matter who likes or dislikes, if I come off sounding like a douche, so be it.
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