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Post by lpcalihawk on Mar 28, 2008 14:54:17 GMT -6
Anybody hear/read about the new position being created in the Iowa Football program? They plan on adding a Life Skills coach/babysitter. Am I the only one who thinks this position should be funded out of KF's salary and not the football budget?
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Post by bucketochicken on Mar 28, 2008 14:59:21 GMT -6
Maybe it could be a dual-faceted position: Life Skillz/QB Coach.
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Post by lpcalihawk on Mar 28, 2008 15:00:31 GMT -6
Maybe it could be a dual-faceted position: Life Skillz/QB Coach. Not a bad idea. I wonder if the Life Skills coach will sit up in the box this year with Ken Queef? |
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Post by NOTTHOR on Mar 28, 2008 15:13:41 GMT -6
I heard about it and I ain't happy he hasn't called me. What these kids need is not a life coach. They need a dude who can arrange for them and their fur to get picked up out of downtown immediately after the bars close, in a charter bus with a bathroom so no one takes a leak outside and gets a public intox. They need a dude well versed in criminal procedure who tells the ICPD to take a hike and get a warrant while we flush the evidence. They need a dude to make sure professors understand that tenure can and will be removed for effin with football players and tenure can and will be granted for being friendly to the program. These guys don't need a life skills coach, they need a greasy lawyer with a large expense account (funded from the unconscionable ticket "donation" fees) to keep an eye on these kids. Basically, they need me with an Amex Card with a 100k a month limit. I would provide the shining example that these kids need to succeed. The last thing they need is some liberal union member state employee lecturing them about how to behave.
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Post by lpcalihawk on Mar 28, 2008 15:43:25 GMT -6
I heard about it and I ain't happy he hasn't called me. What these kids need is not a life coach. They need a dude who can arrange for them and their fur to get picked up out of downtown immediately after the bars close, in a charter bus with a bathroom so no one takes a leak outside and gets a public intox. They need a dude well versed in criminal procedure who tells the ICPD to take a hike and get a warrant while we flush the evidence. They need a dude to make sure professors understand that tenure can and will be removed for effin with football players and tenure can and will be granted for being friendly to the program. These guys don't need a life skills coach, they need a greasy lawyer with a large expense account (funded from the unconscionable ticket "donation" fees) to keep an eye on these kids. Basically, they need me with an Amex Card with a 100k a month limit. I would provide the shining example that these kids need to succeed. The last thing they need is some liberal union member state employee lecturing them about how to behave. You are a walking, talking NCAA extra benefit violation. |
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Mar 29, 2008 7:01:04 GMT -6
Hey Drake, where the hell did that come from?
Also, I find it amusing to juxtapose your post here about the power of Christ to your other posts about boneing chicks in the green room of nightclubs while your girlfriend waits outside.
/leftwing
//Christian
///anti-abortion
////have only had sex with one woman and I married her
/////I would obviously be the perfect lifecoach because of my humility, and my high GPA from Drake.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Mar 30, 2008 12:12:38 GMT -6
Hey Drake, why did you delete that diatribe? My wife thought it was really funny. She is also appaled by the PP book sale too.
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Post by guyruckerfarted on Mar 31, 2008 11:08:10 GMT -6
Raj Clark was once arrested for public urination in Iowa City. He should be the Life Coach so he can show the new guys the safest places to drop trow in town. I'm sure there is an air conditioning unit behind Hungry Hobo that still has Clark's DNA. Right next to some old wood crates where Diaco de-flowered some freshman girl from Bettendorf.
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Post by socal on Mar 31, 2008 11:30:52 GMT -6
Raj Clark was once arrested for public urination in Iowa City. He should be the Life Coach so he can show the new guys the safest places to drop trow in town. I'm sure there is an air conditioning unit behind Hungry Hobo that still has Clark's DNA. Right next to some old wood crates where Diaco de-flowered some freshman girl from Bettendorf.That's a big stinking lie... There isn't such a thing as a freshman girl from Bettendorf that hasn't been deflowered. |
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Post by bucketochicken on Mar 31, 2008 11:41:38 GMT -6
I think he meant she was actually delivering flowers, and he stole them and threw her unconscious body into the alley.
Or........ not?
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Post by socal on Mar 31, 2008 11:44:46 GMT -6
Now that's more believable... Bettendorf freshmen girls tend to "pass out"/ "become unconscious" a lot.
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Post by bucketochicken on Mar 31, 2008 12:04:05 GMT -6
Maybe she Cheesed a little too much.
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Post by Saggitariutt Jefferspin (ith) on Mar 31, 2008 12:13:30 GMT -6
I thought you just ran around in hysterics during cheesing.
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Post by bucketochicken on Mar 31, 2008 12:20:49 GMT -6
Also, if (straight) women cheesed, would they still go to Boobland, or would it be like, a cock forest? Or maybe like, a beach made of tight abs or something? Hillocks of (insert name of generic Hollywood hunky asshat here)'s denim-clad asscheeks?
To paraphrase a very wise man, these are the types of thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools...
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Post by guyruckerfarted on Mar 31, 2008 13:18:22 GMT -6
lpCali applied for a similar position at Iowa to serve Coach Parker. I think it involved midnight runs to Taco Johns and spotting Norm as he squated over a porcelain throne that was 1/3 the size of his ass. lp was happy to do it and prayed every night that Papa Norm would teach him the zone Cover 2 and introduce him to Chuck Long. I think he was denied the position however as the interview process revealed that his childhood allergies could not withstand the foul stench of death that came with prying the Parkers out of their caskets every morning. Fred Mims was proud of lpCali for his efforts and offered him a can of black shoe polish as a concession.
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Post by lpcalihawk on Mar 31, 2008 13:31:20 GMT -6
lpCali applied for a similar position at Iowa to serve Coach Parker. I think it involved midnight runs to Taco Johns and spotting Norm as he squated over a porcelain throne that was 1/3 the size of his ass. lp was happy to do it and prayed every night that Papa Norm would teach him the zone Cover 2 and introduce him to Chuck Long. I think he was denied the position however as the interview process revealed that his childhood allergies could not withstand the foul stench of death that came with prying the Parkers out of their caskets every morning. Fred Mims was proud of lpCali for his efforts and offered him a can of black shoe polish as a concession. The position I applied was not even close to being similar. I applied for the Tonya Alford fluffer position; however, I found out that my childhood allergies could not handle all of the Este de Lauder products that were compacted on her face. Being a fluffer, I would have had to be close to her face occasionally and I just couldn't handle it without sneezing all over. Fred is a good man, don't hate. |
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Post by guyruckerfarted on Mar 31, 2008 13:49:04 GMT -6
The air levels have been repeatedly tested inside the Iowa Hawk Shop since the Alfords left town. While the amount of methane remains constant due to the pigly chicks they employ, there has been dramatic decrease in gaseous levels of "bitch" and liquid residue of "Mountain Dew Diamonds" women's perfume retailed at wal-Mart. The Alfords know that at the center of each Wal-Mart is the heart of Wal-Mart, which again just happens to be a mirror that reflectsthose ugly little gingers.
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Post by bucketochicken on Mar 31, 2008 13:51:35 GMT -6
Wouldn't that be "Mtn Dewmonds?"
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