Post by idrinkthereforeiam on Mar 20, 2008 17:54:12 GMT -6
Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington, DC -- Congress today announced that the office of
President of
the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of March
1,
2008. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures
and
related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 7 years.
It
is anticipated that $231 billion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are
huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain
competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,"
Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the
office of President as of March 1, 2008. Mr. Singh was born in the
United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls , NY
,
thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of
$320 a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night.
"Working
nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call
center,"
stated
Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I
always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should
not be a problem
as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he
can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result
that
some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final
day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he
will
not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed
limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's
extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
Washington, DC -- Congress today announced that the office of
President of
the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of March
1,
2008. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures
and
related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 7 years.
It
is anticipated that $231 billion can be saved to the end of the
President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost
savings are
huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain
competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay,"
Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai , India will assume the
office of President as of March 1, 2008. Mr. Singh was born in the
United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls , NY
,
thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of
$320 a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night.
"Working
nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call
center,"
stated
Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I
always hoped I would be President."
A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully
aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should
not be a problem
as President Bush had never been familiar with the issues either.
Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he
can address common concerns without having to understand the
underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson.
"President Bush has used them successfully for years, with the result
that
some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his
final
day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he
will
not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the
allowed
limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower,
Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new
position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his
lifetime. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's
extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.
