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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Apr 8, 2014 15:37:01 GMT -6
I wuz cleaning teh house the otter day, and when going through my voluminous bookshelves, a piece of paper fell out with the title "Reasons to go to Ames". It is in muh handwriting, but I have no idea when I wrote it or for wut reason. I imagine that I did it in muh teaching days, judging by how un-sloppy the handwriting is, which means it is prolly about 5-7 years old. I assume it was written for message board fodder, which I wrote on paper to later type, since muh jerb forbade me from dicking around on a computer all day.
Although I want to, I have not altered this in any way, which is a bummer, because some of them are terrible, and some of them are a quick edit away from being awesome. But here it is now, in its original glory:
1. You're searching for a dowry on your prized cow. 2. Seeing a half-empty concrete edifice is on your bucket list. 3. You heard there was a cheerleader who got stuck trying to jump through a tractor tire. 4. You're a basketball coach looking to crack open a few cold ones and let [sic] 5. You're killing time until a German basketball team offers you a contract. 6. You're an actor who specializes in bending down towards the camera and whispering stupid slogans. 7. You need to be around other people who appreciate elastic waist jeans as much as you. 8. Story City was too intellectual for you, so you had to move. 9. You actually want a roommate who hangs a deer carcass in the dorm closet. 10. You were recently appointed CEO of America's largest jorts manufacturer, and you are interested in knowing what your customers really want. 11. You firmly believe that the camel toe is one of the most beautiful aspects of nature. 12. When it comes to women, teeth were always kind of a turnoff for you.
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Post by #70 on Apr 8, 2014 15:55:26 GMT -6
Tl;fu
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Post by livingintheusa on Apr 8, 2014 16:33:49 GMT -6
Golfer, Golfer, Golfer.
What the matter ? Ames not what U likey?
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Post by #70 on Apr 8, 2014 16:49:52 GMT -6
Golfer, Golfer, Golfer.
What the matter ? Ames not what U likey?
Put it this way: Ames is worse than davenport.
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Post by kirksfupa on Apr 8, 2014 16:59:21 GMT -6
Take that shit back Golfer! Ames is the prime real estate in the state. Fuck you and your dog. Daventurd is a shitty version of Sewer City. Ames is Mecca! I might be biased and live in Ames though, still fuck a wooden pole.
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Post by #70 on Apr 8, 2014 17:42:18 GMT -6
Take that shit back Golfer! Ames is the prime real estate in the state. Fuck you and your dog. Daventurd is a shitty version of Sewer City. Ames is Mecca! I might be biased and live in Ames though, still fuck a wooden pole. look at this guy. he mad.
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Post by kirksfupa on Apr 8, 2014 17:51:14 GMT -6
Take that shit back Golfer! Ames is the prime real estate in the state. Fuck you and your dog. Daventurd is a shitty version of Sewer City. Ames is Mecca! I might be biased and live in Ames though, still fuck a wooden pole. look at this guy. he mad. Whoa cowboy. I aint mad. Just spouting the truth.
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Post by #70 on Apr 8, 2014 18:06:37 GMT -6
look at this guy. he mad. Whoa cowboy. I aint mad. Just spouting the truth. Easy pal. That ain't even stretchin the truth. Flat out lying. I'm sorry you couldn't get out of the county, but it don't make it any more of a miserable town.
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Post by livingintheusa on Apr 8, 2014 18:25:45 GMT -6
Again we have the age old question.
What is better Veishea or A night in Davenport?
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Post by Presidential Immunity Cock on Apr 8, 2014 18:44:03 GMT -6
Again we have the age old question. What is better Veishea or A night in Davenport? Depends on what STD you prefer. Meth Mouth... Cow Herpes....
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Post by kirksfupa on Apr 8, 2014 18:50:18 GMT -6
Whoa cowboy. I aint mad. Just spouting the truth. Easy pal. That ain't even stretchin the truth. Flat out lying. I'm sorry you couldn't get out of the county, but it don't make it any more of a miserable town. Meh, Ames is getting better, its basically IC more country. Both towns are both heavily hippiesh college towns who want to be green and enviro friendly and scared of change(Ames especially). Ames is a very weird town when it comes to voting things to improve the city. There is a section that will vote down every improvement because of a tax increase no matter what. The other half want to be progressive. Every thing this town votes on basically gets shot down by old people who don't want to increase their taxes by pennies. Whatever I guess, I don't really care but this town is pretty split and nothing really gets accomplished.
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Post by #70 on Apr 8, 2014 19:03:43 GMT -6
Woah. Was I supposed to care?
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Post by kirksfupa on Apr 8, 2014 19:10:15 GMT -6
Woah. Was I supposed to care? Yes
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Post by livingintheusa on Apr 8, 2014 19:19:16 GMT -6
# 8's the point
Put down the grain belt and put on your pants.
Seneca Wallace
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Post by Stan's Field on Apr 8, 2014 19:49:43 GMT -6
Supar Bowl!
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Post by Earl Slick on Apr 8, 2014 20:45:29 GMT -6
Innovations in milk cow management.
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Post by thunderhawk on Apr 8, 2014 21:19:29 GMT -6
I used to bang a chick from Ames who coulda been the identical twin of Rachael McAdams.
That was some good fuckin, and a worthy reason to go to Ames.
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Post by Stan's Field on Apr 9, 2014 2:38:34 GMT -6
I used to bang a chick from Ames who coulda been the identical twin of Rachael McAdams. That was some good fuckin, and a worthy reason to go to Ames. Did U hawg her in the HICKory Park parking lot/ ??
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Post by NotMyKid on Apr 9, 2014 3:20:04 GMT -6
Another year of Veeshaa another Riot and car tippin.....
I'm guessin' this de end of the V.
So Prowd.
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Post by Incogayno. on Apr 9, 2014 3:53:41 GMT -6
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Apr 9, 2014 6:24:33 GMT -6
JFC, a Tuesday night riot?
Couldn't St. Fred just dispersed the entire thing with a wave of his hand?
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Post by Earl Slick on Apr 9, 2014 6:53:03 GMT -6
They figured out that the light poles were in on the conspiracy and they decided that enough is enough. A clown is on the road as we speak to push over the tournament scheduler in retaliation for all those virtual road games. Security has also been tightened at the homes of Big XII refs.
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Post by TaterWanger on Apr 9, 2014 7:21:24 GMT -6
In all seriousness Ames is a total shit hole and is an embarrassment for the rest of the state, which is really saying something considering Teh Dodge, Prolt, Counciltucky, and Sewer City are all Iowa towns.
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Post by Aborted Cyclone Fetus on Apr 9, 2014 7:28:02 GMT -6
JFC, a Tuesday night riot? Couldn't St. Fred just dispersed the entire thing with a wave of his hand? Taco Tuesday ended early at Taco John's. I would riot too.
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Post by GhostMod 5000 on Apr 9, 2014 8:12:32 GMT -6
I honestly don't know much about VEISHA outside of making riot jokes in the past, but what is the deal? Why is everyone fully torqued on Tuesday night trashing the town?
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